Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD
- Thread starter Garlic Klopp
- Start date
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How the seasons work in the UK:
Jan - Cold
Feb – Still Cold
Mar – Still cold but snow now
Apr - Rain
May – More rain
Jun – Why is it still raining
July - BEES
Aug – Oh god it is so hot
Sept – I miss the heat
Oct – Heat is simply a memory
Nov - Cold
Dec – Cold but with capitalism
Jan - Cold
Feb – Still Cold
Mar – Still cold but snow now
Apr - Rain
May – More rain
Jun – Why is it still raining
July - BEES
Aug – Oh god it is so hot
Sept – I miss the heat
Oct – Heat is simply a memory
Nov - Cold
Dec – Cold but with capitalism
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Just another unrealistic body expectation for women
I myself was a committed remainer, but owing to some Facebook posts I made, I was targeted by the Brexit campaign.
As a consequence I set fire to my second home in France, dumped my Spanish girlfriend of 12 years, drove my BMW into an EU flagpole and voted to leave
As a consequence I set fire to my second home in France, dumped my Spanish girlfriend of 12 years, drove my BMW into an EU flagpole and voted to leave
A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.
The man: “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”
The guy: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”
The man: “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?”
The guy: “No…they are all at the funeral!”
The man: “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”
The guy: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”
The man: “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?”
The guy: “No…they are all at the funeral!”
A young woman Steffi has been taking golf lessons and decides to play her first round.She’s just started when she gets stung by a wasp.
The pain is so bad Steffi has to go back to the club house.
Her golf coach sees her come into the club house and asks her, “Why are you back so early Steff? What’s the problem?”
She replies, “I was stung by a wasp.”
The coach says, “Oh Jesus! Where?”
Steffie says, “Between the first and second hole.”
The coach nods knowingly and says, “Apparently your stance is too wide.”
The pain is so bad Steffi has to go back to the club house.
Her golf coach sees her come into the club house and asks her, “Why are you back so early Steff? What’s the problem?”
She replies, “I was stung by a wasp.”
The coach says, “Oh Jesus! Where?”
Steffie says, “Between the first and second hole.”
The coach nods knowingly and says, “Apparently your stance is too wide.”