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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

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  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2541
    kiwiqpr, Mar 13, 2018
  2. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #2542
    Garlic Klopp, Mar 15, 2018
    kiwiqpr likes this.
  3. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #2543
    Garlic Klopp, Mar 18, 2018
    kiwiqpr likes this.
  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2544
    kiwiqpr, Mar 18, 2018
  5. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #2545
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Mar 21, 2018
    moreinjuredthanowen likes this.
  6. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #2546
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Mar 21, 2018
  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2547
    kiwiqpr, Mar 21, 2018
  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    How the seasons work in the UK:
    Jan - Cold
    Feb – Still Cold
    Mar – Still cold but snow now
    Apr - Rain
    May – More rain
    Jun – Why is it still raining
    July - BEES
    Aug – Oh god it is so hot
    Sept – I miss the heat
    Oct – Heat is simply a memory
    Nov - Cold
    Dec – Cold but with capitalism
     
    #2548
    kiwiqpr, Mar 21, 2018
  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Even the car is fed up with it.
     
    #2549
    kiwiqpr, Mar 21, 2018
  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    If Ant McPartlin drunk drove into my car I'd Dec him
     
    #2550
    kiwiqpr, Mar 21, 2018

  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Just another unrealistic body expectation for women
     
    #2551
    kiwiqpr, Mar 21, 2018
  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2552
    kiwiqpr, Mar 21, 2018
  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2553
    kiwiqpr, Mar 21, 2018
  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    My neighbour is convinced they put cocaine in Easter Eggs, she told me she's eaten 3 of them today.
    Amazing that she'd rather be classed as a coke head than a greedy ****er.
     
    #2554
    kiwiqpr, Mar 21, 2018
    Diego likes this.
  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I myself was a committed remainer, but owing to some Facebook posts I made, I was targeted by the Brexit campaign.
    As a consequence I set fire to my second home in France, dumped my Spanish girlfriend of 12 years, drove my BMW into an EU flagpole and voted to leave
     
    #2555
    kiwiqpr, Mar 22, 2018
  16. moreinjuredthanowen

    moreinjuredthanowen Mafiosi

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    all normal bmw driver behaviours. whay did facebook ads do again?
     
    #2556
    moreinjuredthanowen, Mar 22, 2018
  17. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.

    The man: “Who would ever miss the World Cup final?”

    The guy: “That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.”

    The man: “That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of the family, friend, or someone else to come with you?”

    The guy: “No…they are all at the funeral!”
     
    #2557
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Mar 22, 2018
  18. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #2558
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Mar 22, 2018
    kiwiqpr and moreinjuredthanowen like this.
  19. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    A young woman Steffi has been taking golf lessons and decides to play her first round.She’s just started when she gets stung by a wasp.

    The pain is so bad Steffi has to go back to the club house.

    Her golf coach sees her come into the club house and asks her, “Why are you back so early Steff? What’s the problem?”

    She replies, “I was stung by a wasp.”

    The coach says, “Oh Jesus! Where?”

    Steffie says, “Between the first and second hole.”

    The coach nods knowingly and says, “Apparently your stance is too wide.”
     
    #2559
    Garlic Klopp, Mar 22, 2018
  20. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #2560
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Mar 23, 2018
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