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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

  1. LuisDiazgamechanger

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  2. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
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    The key in this particular puzzle is to realise that while you have two scale pans, that is sufficient to let you split the items to be weighed into three groups, not just two (and it also works for 9 pills). Here's the algorithm:

    • weigh two groups of three pills each
      • if they weigh the same, the poison pill is in the group not yet weighed
      • If they weigh different, whichever pan has the heavier load of 3 pills contains the poison pill
    • Once you know which of the three groups has the poison pill:
      • Weigh two pills from that group
      • If they weigh the same, the poison pill is the one not being weighed
      • If they weigh different, the heavier pan has the poison pill
     
    #2562
  3. moreinjuredthanowen

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    well thanks dor ruining the game for the rest of us ;)
     
    #2563
  4. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
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    You didn't have to read it :)
     
    #2564
  5. LuisDiazgamechanger

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    #2565
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  7. LuisDiazgamechanger

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    *Motor Mechanic Joke*

    A girl asks her Mechanic father, “Dad, there is something that my boyfriend said to me today, that I didn't understand. He said that I have a beautiful chassis, lovely headlamps, soft looking airbags and a fantastic bumper!"

    Dad quickly answered and said, “Listen carefully girl, and go tell your f**ken weed smoker stupid boyfriend that if he dares opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will violently pull down his crankshaft and tighten his nuts so hard with a rattle gun until his ballbearings pop out of sockets and he will start leaking oil and other fluids out of his rear exhaust pipe!
     
    #2567
  8. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #2568
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  9. LuisDiazgamechanger

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  10. moreinjuredthanowen

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    like i was going to google it up myself
    .. yeah..
     
    #2570
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  11. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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  12. LuisDiazgamechanger

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    he general says, “Alright, I’ll prove the army has the toughest men in the country. Private, get overhere!”

    The private reports as ordered, “Yes sir?” The general says, “See that man over there? Kill him!” Without hesitating, the private kills the man. The general says, “See? That man has balls!”

    The air marshal says, "That’s nothing. AC, get over here!” The aircraftsman reports, “Yes, sir?” The air marshal says, “See that man over there? Kill him and then kill yourself.” Without blinking, the aircraftsman pulls out his M-16 and blows away the guy, then turns the rifle on himself and unloads several rounds.

    The air marshal says, “See? Now that man has balls!”

    The admiral says, “That’s nothing.” He calls to a seaman high up on a tower, “Hey, seaman, jump off that tower!” The seaman answers, “Excuse me, sir?” The admiral repeats, “JUMP OFF THAT TOWER!” The seaman replies, “Go to hell, sir!”

    The admiral says, “See? That man has balls and he’s got brains too!”
     
    #2572
  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2574
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  15. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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  16. LuisDiazgamechanger

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  17. LuisDiazgamechanger

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  18. Zorba

    Zorba Well-Known Member

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    A Muslim dies and finds himself before the Pearly Gates..
    He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.
    Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.
    "Are you Mohammed?" he asks.
    "No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.
    Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder
    in great strides, climbs through the clouds and comes to a room where he meets another bearded man.
    He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
    "No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still."
    Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder
    and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.
    Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"
    "No, I am Jesus. You will find Mohammed higher up."
    Mohammed higher than Jesus!
    The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher.
    Once again he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:
    "Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.
    "No, my son. I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?"
    "Yes, please, my Lord."
    God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out,
    "Hey, Mohammed! Two coffees!"
     
    #2578
  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2579
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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Congratulations to our Agent of the Month.
    Thank you for your services, Agent @jeremycorbyn.
    You had 'em going.
     
    #2580

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