This woman owned two Dachshunds, a male and a female. A friend of hers calls one day and says, "How do you keep him away from her when she's in heat?" "Oh that's not a problem" she says, "When I go out, I put the female upstairs." "And does that do the trick?" asks her friend. "Well," she says, "Have you ever seen a Dachshund go upstairs with a hard on?"
A Jordanesq type, was worried about the amount of dents in her car, so she took it to her local garage. The mechanic thought he’d have a bit off fun and told her she could solve the problem herself by blowing up the exhaust pipe. Thanking the mechanic for saving her money; she returned home to set about removing the dents. She was smart enough to let the pipe cool down before performing the task. When it was cool enough, she got her lips round it and started to blow for all she was worth. After a time, her blonde neighbour come out and asked her what she was doing. “I’m blowin’ the dents outa ov the body aint I.” She informed her neighbour. “Don’t be stupid!” said the blonde neighbour. “You’re supposed to wind the windows up first, else it won’t work will it!”
