Jokes

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I got on the us the other day and caught two young girls in the middle of a conversation. One said ".........and it was a good eight inches long." Her friend asked "and how big around was it?" The first girl made a ring with her fingers "about this big." "Wow, and did it hurt?" "Well, yes a bit, but it was worth it." "How did you feel afterwards?" "Oh, very satisfied, really." "And did it last long?" "Well, yes it did, in fact I had to flush three times before it went away." Oh, dear................
 
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I took my Dog into the Benefits office this morning to claim his benefits.
The clerk said, "On what grounds is he entitled to benefits"?

I said: "well he's brown, he stinks, he doesn't work, and he ****s on the pavement"

She said "OK fill this form in and get it stamped at desk 4.
 
"I went into a shop and I said, "can someone sell me a kettle?" The bloke said "kenwood"? I said "Where is he"?