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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #9961
  2. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  3. Wooperts_duck

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    #9963
  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    My sex change operation from male to female last week went really well.

    In fact it was so successful I'm still trying to reverse out of the hospital car park.
     
    #9964
  5. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • My wife was telling her friend that obesity is in her genes.
    • I was compelled to point out that wasn"t true as she looks like a fat cnut in a skirt as well.
     
    #9965
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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • I suppose if I had a choice between diseases, I would prefer to be a schizophrenic kleptomaniac.
    • After all, you never feel alone....and if it gets too bad, you can always take something for it.
     
    #9966
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  7. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • I live in a mainly Muslim community and I"m really fed up with the politically correct bollocks around here.
    • My local pub had to change its name from The Flying Pig,
    • nobody speaks English in any shop you go in and you can barely cook a bacon sarnie without upsetting some Pakistani or another!
    • So I was so happy to see my local swimming pool fighting back, and ruining their fun for a change.
    • It had big sign on the wall stating:STRICTLY NO BOMBING
     
    #9967
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  8. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  9. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  10. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  11. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  12. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Just had two Police Officers at my door!
    They said; “Are you familiar with the letters HB?”
    I replied, “No, I’m not.”
    “How about LS?”
    “No.”
    “What about JD?”
    I asked, “Hang on a minute, am I a suspect or something?”
    The police officers said, “No, these are just initial enquiries.”
     
    #9973
  14. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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  15. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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    • My wife caught me cheating on her again last weekend.
    • She said, "every time you shag another women, a part of me dies."
    • A few more shags should finish the job!
     
    #9975
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  16. antipodean exile

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    #9976
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  17. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  18. antipodean exile

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  19. antipodean exile

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