An undercover cop called at my farm... “I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs”, he said. “By all means officer, just don’t go in that field over there”, I replied. The cop exploded, saying “Do you know who the f*ck I am?! I have the authority of the government with me!”, he shouted before pulling a badge out of his back pocket, “Do you see this f*cking badge?! This badge means I can do what I want and I’ll go wherever the f*ck I want, have I made myself clear?!” I nodded politely, apologized, and went about my chores. A short while later, I hear loud screams, looked up and saw the cop running for his life being chased by my angry bull. With each step, the bull was gaining ground and he seemed sure to be gored before he reached safety. The officer looked terrified and continued to run for his life. I threw down my tools, immediately ran to the edge of the fence and shouted at the top of my lungs, “Your badge, show him your f*cking badge!”
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses" wife instead. "I"m afraid he died last week." she explains. The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss. "I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week." The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts, "I"VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?" "Coz," he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it..."
A Cornish farmer who wants a divorce goes to see a lawyer. The farmer says "Oi wants to get wan of them dayvorces" Lawyer..."Do you have grounds? Farmer... "Yes, I gots me 40 acres" Lawyer "No, you dont understand, do you have a suit?" Farmer..."Yes, oi wears it to church on Sundays" Lawyer..."No, I mean do you have a grudge? Farmer..."Yes, that's where I park the tractor" Lawyer..."Does your wife beat you up?" Farmer..."No, we both get up at 5.30" Lawyer gets annoyed & tries one last question..."Is your wife a nagger?... "No, she's white, but the baby's a nagger, that's why I wants a f*ckin dayvorce!!
