A black guy gets invited to a fancy dress party. Needing an outfit, he goes to a costume shop. He asks a female assistant for help."I need a costume for a party, please." "Okay, sir, how about this?" says the assistant, presenting the black man with a Father Christmas suit "Don"t be stupid, I"m not going as a black Santa!" replies the black man. "Okay, well how about this one then?" She shows the black man a fluffy white snowman costume. "No! I"m not going as snowman either! I"m black! Don"t you understand?" shouts the rather annoyed black man. "Fine!" says the assistant as she hands the black man a plank of wood. "What the fcuk am I supposed to do with this?" he asks. "Stick it up your ar*e and go as a choc ice!"
My wife said I should get in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner & sulked all day for no reason. She hinted she wanted something black & lacy for her birthday, so I bought her some football boots. After my wife died, I couldn't look at another woman for ten years, but I'm out of prison now. My wife apologised for the first time ever today, she said she was sorry she ever married me.
I saw this advert in a window that said: “Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.” I thought, “I can’t turn that down.”
I thought I hadn"t been paying my wife much attention recently so, as it was her birthday on Friday, I decided I would give her a ring as a present. Amazingly that started another row. Because I rang her from the pub.
