A man asks his friend, "what"s the most common French expression?" His friend scratches his head, shrugs his shoulders and replies, "I give up!"
This bloke goes to see his doctor and says, "every time I fart, it sounds like a Honda motorbike. "So the doc asks the chap to pull his pants down and bend over. Sure enough, the man farts loudly and its sounds like a Honda motorbike. The doc says, "you"ve got an abscess up your arse." The bloke says, "surely it can"t make my arse make noises like that." The old doctor says, with a cheeky smile, "abscess makes the fart go Honda!"
Theres two fellas running down the road, shouting "Help! Help! A lion"s escaped!" A passerby said, "Which way did it go?" One of the fellas says, "You stupid twat, you don"t think we"re f*cking" chasing it do ya?"
My wife has started visiting a new hairdressers run by a Geordie girl. Today my wife asked for a "perm". The Geordie girl started, "I wandered lonely as a cloud..."
I was walking along the street the other day when I slipped in dog ****e. A minute later, some guy did exactly the same. I said to him, "I just did that." So he punched me in the face and called me a dirty bastard.
