Off Topic Insults that you remember

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When I played football for Ryhope, one of the squad come fund raisers had a terrible body odour problem that we all talked about but didn't know how to address it. One of the squad said leave it to me. When we were all back in the club having a post match drink, he asked for every ones attention. He produced a can of Rightguard from his bag and said "hands up if you use deodorant", and then told the lad in question to keep his hands down because he stinks and has a problem. Not exactly Mr Subtle that's for sure.
 
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FellTop said:
Cricketers are the best at insults. My favourite was Merv Hughes and Robin Smith. Smith played and missed and Hughes said "you cant f***ing bat". Smith hits next one for 4 and says " we make a great pair, I cant f***ing bat and you cant f***ing bowl".

Always tickles me when I think of that. If you are going to insult someone be prepared for a response in time.
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Wasn't it Mike Gatting, where an Ausie said to him as he came out to bat "Why are you so fat" to which he replied, "Every time I **** your wife, she gives me a biscuit".
 
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This ones a classic for insults

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I went to Slaters in Newcastle a long time ago for a suit. The salesman told me that he had a problem because I was built like a Gorilla, very big on top with short stocky legs.
I’m a 33 inside leg.
6’4” tall.
 
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MrRAWhite said:
When I played football for Ryhope, one of the squad come fund raisers had a terrible body odour problem that we all talked about but didn't know how to address it. One of the squad said leave it to me. When we were all back in the club having a post match drink, he asked for every ones attention. He produced a can of Rightguard from his bag and said "hands up if you use deodorant", and then told the lad in question to keep his hands down because he stinks and has a problem. Not exactly Mr Subtle that's for sure.
Click to expand...
We had been friends for years with a lovely girl who had the same problem. She was stunning but stunk. Our lass decided it was time to tell her for her own good. She hasn’t spoke to us since and we still bump into her when out and about.
She won’t even acknowledge us.
That sort of thing can happen on here tbh.
 
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same thing a girl in the office had a problem down below, she went to the toilet to wash her briefs then put them on the radiator to dry, i was ok with it but the rest of the girls complained and left to me to tell her she went and never came back
 
Makemstine Roger said:
same thing a girl in the office had a problem down below, she went to the toilet to wash her briefs then put them on the radiator to dry, i was ok with it but the rest of the girls complained and left to me to tell her she went and never came back
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Years ago in my early twenties a girl I was seeing threw a party at her dads place whilst he was on holiday.
Separate toilet and bathroom, this fat lass was locked in the bathroom.
Somebody was concerned for her as they reckoned she'd been a bit down all night and wouldn't answer whilst knocking the bathroom door.
Kicked the door in and she'd shìt in the bath and was trying to swirl it down the plughole
:eek:
:D
 
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Nig said:
Years ago in my early twenties a girl I was seeing threw a party at her dads place whilst he was on holiday.
Separate toilet and bathroom, this fat lass was locked in the bathroom.
Somebody was concerned for her as they reckoned she'd been a bit down all night and wouldn't answer whilst knocking the bathroom door.
Kicked the door in and she'd shìt in the bath and was trying to swirl it down the plughole
:eek:
:D
Click to expand...
:emoticon-0119-puke:
 
FellTop said:
Cricketers are the best at insults. My favourite was Merv Hughes and Robin Smith. Smith played and missed and Hughes said "you cant f***ing bat". Smith hits next one for 4 and says " we make a great pair, I cant f***ing bat and you cant f***ing bowl".

Always tickles me when I think of that. If you are going to insult someone be prepared for a response in time.
Click to expand...
My favourite cricket sledges are when rod marsh aussie wicketkeeper said to ian botham "hows your wife and my kids"
Botham replied "wife fine kids ******ed "
The other sledge I like (cant remember the two cricketers involved) a batsman was asked "why he was so fat" the batsman's reply" everytime I f**k your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit " brilliant answers.
I think if you give people stick you have to take it back,surprisingly a lot of people can't.
 
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