Off Topic Insults that you remember

fibber you forgot Closet and its been loads....

 

Aye, you’re right there!

 

Brilliant

 

Your accent is far closer to Mackem than Geordie though mate..

 

Ouch

 

Nah!

 

My first job was at Brian Mills where about 4,500 people worked and out of these around 4,000 were lasses. I hadn't been there long and will have been 17 at the most when I had to go into hospital for a minor op to get a cist removed.
When I got back to work after a couple of days off there were loads of lasses asking if I was alright. I couldn't understand the concern until I found out that one of my "mates" had been round telling all the lasses that I had to have my testicles removed because of an illness.

 

Eeeh, you can go off folk. The naaars

 

I had a mole removed from my todger recently.


Last time I shag one of those.

 

that story was only one sentence shorter than Lincolns Gettysburg address, he says making the sign of the cross, spectacles testicles wallet and watch amen

 

was that not supposed to be, by ekky thump being in the proximity more of Yorkshire than Northumberland.

 

A week after my mother’s funeral, while getting out my car with a copy of her funeral service in my hand, my next door neighbour decided to have a go at me, not for the first time. The bit I remember most is him telling me what a ‘sad, pathetic life you have’. After that, him telling me how he & his partner WORK for a living.

I don’t work, I used to then eventually received an Ill Health Retirement pension due to an incident at work. I have a daughter, just her & me, she has numerous problems & difficulties. Assessed for autism, told traits but that’s all, sensory issues, severe anxiety, OCD & now diagnosed with a Personality Disorder, a benign brain tumour & various health problems. She’s an adult, I am her carer.

Mam had dementia for 10 years,last 2 in a (very good) home. Mam & dad lived close, dad stopped driving 15 years ago, I did everything I could. Mam died unexpectedly just over a year ago.

Dad now has dementia. He’s 87 & living alone. I’m trying to juggle the demands of my daughter & my father. They have no-one else, only me.
To be told my life is “sad & pathetic” when it is mostly spent looking after those I love is quite the insult.

Just take a moment to think before you judge.

 

after reading that my heart goes out to you,in our society now we as a country are more geared towards helping other then our own, i wish i lived close to you to be able to offer any assistance you may need like transporting your father looking after your daughter to give you a break, my wife and i live in Germany at the moment but when i secure a house in England late this year, i will only be too happy to Pm message you and offer my assistance which i hope you will allow me to do .In closing i would like to add that having read you predicament we as a country need to stop handing money and four star accommodation and use the money for our own people first charity begins at home.

i forgot to add i wish you and your family a very happy Xmas and hope you have a good new year all the best.

 

That’s extremely kind of you, thank you. It’s much appreciated.
Christmas Eve was a nightmare, but, today has gone better than expected, even managed a nap
Hope you & your family have had a wonderful time, all the best

 

Brian Mills/Janet Frazer was my first job as well. Lasted seven or eight months before I joined the army. You’re absolutely right though, loads of lasses. Met my first proper girlfriend there. We were together for about 15 months and like a twat I finished with her by letter. Not my finest moment by any stretch.

 

That is a fantastic post.

 

Not a cricketing sledge, as such, but it's always amused me.

Mid 80's.
Against Australia.

Mike Gatting, not anybody's idea of an athlete despite his being a goalkeeper as a youth, took an absolutely brilliant catch in the gulley.

Later Ian Botham was asked about this incredible event.

With a perfectly strait face, Ian sai, 'he thought the ball was a pie'