Off Topic Insults that you remember

Conversation at work about insults we've had that have stuck in the memory, for whatever reason.


I was told -about 30 yr ago after a game of football- that I run like a gorilla but walk like a girl.

No one else has ever classed me as a gorillagirl so who knows why.

(Mine was the only one that didn't involve swearing and/or death threats)

 

A squaddie friend of mine was once told by his BC that he was lower than pond life, and that he was just a tab butt on the sole of life’s shoe.

 

Got told I looked like the candlestick from beauty and the beast... WTF?!

 

ONE RSM ON THE PARADE GROUND TO A ROOKIE WHO COULDNT GET HIS RIGHT FROM LEFT

The best part of you ran down your mothers leg

dad to son who wants an 8oo quid phone
son i hate you wish i was a spaceman and been shot into space
dad if i wasn't pissed you would have been

 

hope it wasn't the lesbians one

 

Sergeant telling guys to hurry up in the showers
come on get out, **** me son that looks like the last turkeys neck in the shop, do you struggle with girlfriends

 

Ne idea...

also remember playing Liverpool and the chant “Luis Suarez your teeth are offside” got going, he replied by scoring 2 goals.

 

"If wit was **** you'd be constipated"

 

Was at the brother in laws
I was bbq king for years
Came back from the toilet
This bimbo neighbour said
I hope you’ve washed your hands
This was 2016
I’ve never cook again

 

When I want to speak to you I'll throw fish.

 

Cricketers are the best at insults. My favourite was Merv Hughes and Robin Smith. Smith played and missed and Hughes said "you cant f***ing bat". Smith hits next one for 4 and says " we make a great pair, I cant f***ing bat and you cant f***ing bowl".

Always tickles me when I think of that. If you are going to insult someone be prepared for a response in time.

 

You’ve got a face only a mother could love

 

Always remember a m8 insulting his lass by saying she had nee tits so didnt need to wear a bra....her comeback was..."ye fkn wear underpants dont ya"

 

I remember a referee telling me a player he'd had a dealing with said to him.
"If I call you a cùnt will you send me off" ?
The ref said "yes, if you call me a **** i will send you off".

The player then said, "what if I just think your a cùnt" ?

Ref, "I can't send you off for thinking I'm a cùnt".

Player, "oh ok, I think your a cùnt".

 

your gonna send me off now for what im thinking arnt you............

 

Apparently I dance like an epileptic spider!

In all fairness this is probably only because a) I was a teen in the northern soul era and b) I have to be well oiled to be seen frequenting any dance floor.

 

It's a good job am not easily upset you nasty man

 

Nig you is da man..........................

 

A recent one I saw on Facebook was :

yer ma shares 3 year old missing dog posts from Yugoslavia

 

Once heard a bloke in an argument say to another guy

"God wasted a good a rsehole when he put teeth in your mouth"