Off Topic Insults that you remember

When I played football for Ryhope, one of the squad come fund raisers had a terrible body odour problem that we all talked about but didn't know how to address it. One of the squad said leave it to me. When we were all back in the club having a post match drink, he asked for every ones attention. He produced a can of Rightguard from his bag and said "hands up if you use deodorant", and then told the lad in question to keep his hands down because he stinks and has a problem. Not exactly Mr Subtle that's for sure.

 

A Swiss lad being called a 'yodelling twat' in some youtube comments has always stuck with me.

 

A lass once said to me,

"FFS get off me, I'll finish the job meself."

 

Ass half...

It'd take 2 of you to make an asshole

 

Wasn't it Mike Gatting, where an Ausie said to him as he came out to bat "Why are you so fat" to which he replied, "Every time I **** your wife, she gives me a biscuit".

 

This ones a classic for insults

 

I went to Slaters in Newcastle a long time ago for a suit. The salesman told me that he had a problem because I was built like a Gorilla, very big on top with short stocky legs.
I’m a 33 inside leg.
6’4” tall.

 

We had been friends for years with a lovely girl who had the same problem. She was stunning but stunk. Our lass decided it was time to tell her for her own good. She hasn’t spoke to us since and we still bump into her when out and about.
She won’t even acknowledge us.
That sort of thing can happen on here tbh.

 

same thing a girl in the office had a problem down below, she went to the toilet to wash her briefs then put them on the radiator to dry, i was ok with it but the rest of the girls complained and left to me to tell her she went and never came back

 

Years ago in my early twenties a girl I was seeing threw a party at her dads place whilst he was on holiday.
Separate toilet and bathroom, this fat lass was locked in the bathroom.
Somebody was concerned for her as they reckoned she'd been a bit down all night and wouldn't answer whilst knocking the bathroom door.
Kicked the door in and she'd shìt in the bath and was trying to swirl it down the plughole

 

if you think your hard why do you squat to piss

 

I asked our lass for a lockdown tit w*nk ...

... she said, 'If you get any fatter you'll be able to give yourself one!'

 

You must be a bigger cock than I thought

 

I didn't mind too much when one asked if I'd finished yet, but I got a bit upset with the one that asked if I'd started yet!!!!!

 

Got called a mackem on here once.

 

My favourite cricket sledges are when rod marsh aussie wicketkeeper said to ian botham "hows your wife and my kids"
Botham replied "wife fine kids retarded "
The other sledge I like (cant remember the two cricketers involved) a batsman was asked "why he was so fat" the batsman's reply" everytime I f**k your wife she gives me a chocolate biscuit " brilliant answers.
I think if you give people stick you have to take it back,surprisingly a lot of people can't.

 

Hate it when people here my accent and think I’m a Geordie

 

I am a ferking Geordie

At least I'm not a Mackem like Hatty