Off Topic Your Dad ....

[Sunderpitt]

It is always interesting to think how much you parents affect you in both good and bad ways, they obviously do have an impact, eg it seems a lot of abusers were abusers themselves, likewise a lot of criminals come from criminalfamiles etc. However I do think sometimes you have to take personal responsibility for the choices you make..

Larkin hated women and people in general and seemed to blame his parents, i think he was just a miserable fcuker

PHILIP LARKIN
They **** you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were ****ed up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

 

[Montysoptician]

My dad is my hero, not just because of his army service but mainly the courage, stoicism and principles he displayed right up to the day he died.

I would love to sit and chat with him now that I know more about his life before I was born and how it must have formed his character.

 

[Confucius]

This song came into my head when my dad, not cos we didn't get on but because of 1 line in the song - I wasn't there that morning when my father passed away. I was supposed to see him the night before he died but I was on nights and didn't sleep much during the day and was shattered. Just one of the regrets I have in life.

Much the same as me mate. The missus, kids and myself were living down Leicester and dad was in hospital in South Shields, nothing major we thought. We came up one weekend and on the Sunday we had to travel back to Leicester and on a Sunday, it wasn't great. The lads were still bairns and I was undecided whether to go and see him until the missus says it will only take an hour. Thankfully we did as that was the last time we saw him. The bit that rips me up was that dad knew but we didn't but should have read the messages so to speak. Dad was one of the loveliest bloke you could wish to meet and I guess most of us may say that about our own, but he was warm and genuine. We were never a lovey dovey, huggy type of family but as we were leaving dad wanted to give the kids a hug, the littlest one was only 3 and wasn't sure, so dad decided to shake his hand. The following weekend he was gone, I was back in Leicester preparing to watch the play off final, Barnsley v Ipswich I think and I got a phone call to tell me to get home as dad was dying. I was distraught rushing around the house trying to gather my thoughts and clothes and within half an hour I had a call to say there was no rush, he had gone
Dad was a quite unassuming bloke, who had been in the RN throughout the war, he never told us many stories and kept a lot to himself. I guess he didn't want to burden us knowing he was on his way out. I think he'd just had enough and gave up the ghost
I was going to see my son last year and that song came on, I was in the car with the wife and had to turn the radio off

 

[Smug in Boots]

Much the same as me mate. The missus, kids and myself were living down Leicester and dad was in hospital in South Shields, nothing major we thought. We came up one weekend and on the Sunday we had to travel back to Leicester and on a Sunday, it wasn't great. The lads were still bairns and I was undecided whether to go and see him until the missus says it will only take an hour. Thankfully we did as that was the last time we saw him. The bit that rips me up was that dad knew but we didn't but should have read the messages so to speak. Dad was one of the loveliest bloke you could wish to meet and I guess most of us may say that about our own, but he was warm and genuine. We were never a lovey dovey, huggy type of family but as we were leaving dad wanted to give the kids a hug, the littlest one was only 3 and wasn't sure, so dad decided to shake his hand. The following weekend he was gone, I was back in Leicester preparing to watch the play off final, Barnsley v Ipswich I think and I got a phone call to tell me to get home as dad was dying. I was distraught rushing around the house trying to gather my thoughts and clothes and within half an hour I had a call to say there was no rush, he had gone
Dad was a quite unassuming bloke, who had been in the RN throughout the war, he never told us many stories and kept a lot to himself. I guess he didn't want to burden us knowing he was on his way out. I think he'd just had enough and gave up the ghost
I was going to see my son last year and that song came on, I was in the car with the wife and had to turn the radio off

Quite a post mate.

My Dad was in hospital and knew he wouldn't be coming out, pit lung, etc, usual miner's death. He asked me if my brother and two sisters, who lived locally, would be coming to see him before he passed ... they wouldn't.

I went every night, after work, and he was still threatening to fight the world, me included. I smuggled a couple of bottles of brown in and left as he was demanding a cigarette from the doctor. I got the final call in the early hours ... he was still raging against the world right up to the end.

 

[Essayyeffcee]

Much the same as me mate. The missus, kids and myself were living down Leicester and dad was in hospital in South Shields, nothing major we thought. We came up one weekend and on the Sunday we had to travel back to Leicester and on a Sunday, it wasn't great. The lads were still bairns and I was undecided whether to go and see him until the missus says it will only take an hour. Thankfully we did as that was the last time we saw him. The bit that rips me up was that dad knew but we didn't but should have read the messages so to speak. Dad was one of the loveliest bloke you could wish to meet and I guess most of us may say that about our own, but he was warm and genuine. We were never a lovey dovey, huggy type of family but as we were leaving dad wanted to give the kids a hug, the littlest one was only 3 and wasn't sure, so dad decided to shake his hand. The following weekend he was gone, I was back in Leicester preparing to watch the play off final, Barnsley v Ipswich I think and I got a phone call to tell me to get home as dad was dying. I was distraught rushing around the house trying to gather my thoughts and clothes and within half an hour I had a call to say there was no rush, he had gone
Dad was a quite unassuming bloke, who had been in the RN throughout the war, he never told us many stories and kept a lot to himself. I guess he didn't want to burden us knowing he was on his way out. I think he'd just had enough and gave up the ghost
I was going to see my son last year and that song came on, I was in the car with the wife and had to turn the radio off

Thanks for sharing that. My dad was in a care home just along from my mam as he had Parkinson's and he needed full on care by then. He died quite suddenly by the sound of it. One of the carers went into his room and had a joke with him went out for 5 mins and that was it. It was early in the morning, they had to get my mam and she told them to get me. Like I said I was on nights so only been asleep for about an hour but my mam told them to keep braying in the door to wake me up. When they told me I thought my legs were gonna give way. The only good thing I suppose was that he was smiling when he went, it looked liked he had nodded off and I kept waiting for him to open his eyes and smile embarrassingly that we'd caught him. He was a miner as well and it basically did for him, list finger tips, knackered back and probably knackered lungs as well. When I left school I was gonna join him at the pit, he down right reused - it was the only time he put his foot down big style with me about

 

[Confucius]

I feel a bit guilty liking these posts, but they make fascinating reading

 

[Essayyeffcee]

I feel a bit guilty liking these posts, but they make fascinating reading

You can always put it down as an empathetic like. Reading these posts, even though we're dotted all over the place, it seems that we have more in common than just being Sunderland fans

 

[Snaggey]

My Dad was a Newcastle fan, born and raised in Byker. He met my mam, who lived in Fatfield, married in September 1964, and I came along in September 1965. We lived in Penshaw, and as was common at the time, he would go to watch newcastle one week, then sunderland the next...whoever was at home basically.

He took me to my first game around 1974, Newcastle at home to wolves ( I think, im not 100% sure). Anyway, newcastle lost, and I didnt like their strip at all. Next game he took me to a night match at Roker Park...i can still remember being in absolute awe of the floodlights as we got near to the ground. Im pretty sure this was a testimonial game, and I've got it in my head that it was either Bobby Kerr or Billy Hughes. Sunderland won, and i loved the sunderland strip. That was it, settled, they were now my team.

From then, my dad just took me to the Sunderland games, I dont think he went to another newcastle game, and you know what....he done that for me. My two brothers came along, in 1970 and 1972, and again he took us all to the Sunderland home games. He was a good man, and raised us well, tought us respect, earned our respect and respected us.
He worked in the shipyards from leaving school at 14, then worked in the chemical works. Sadly, he was diagnosed with mesothelioma in 2000, and died in 2001.

I dont think there is a day goes by where I don't of him. Sometimes its only briefly, just a happy thought, or a memory....something on the radio perhaps.
But he's there, he's still in my thoughts, and every one of them is a happy thought, a fond, loving memory of My Dad.
Love you Dad.
X

 

[SAFC2403]

My dad is from Doncaster(Little mining village called Armthorpe - same village as Kevin keegan for fact fans!).

Him and my mam split up when i was 4 and from that day on never paid a penny towards my upbringing and for this i resent him massively. I didnt understand why at the time but now i'm a dad i'm even more annoyed that he walked out and left me to shack up with whichever bird he was with at the time.

He's not my hero and never will be - he never came to anything i was interested in as a kid as he always had "more important" things to do - even our shared love of cricket and he rarely saw me play. His mistakes continute to shape how i act towards my 2 daughters - i WILL be there for everything they do and will push them and encourage them to follow their dreams - something he has never really done with me.


He now lives in spain and up until the pandemic we spoke maybe once every couple of months - I also resent him for ****ing off to spain and not really being a part of my kids lives.

So yeah dads - meh.

 

[G Force Ghost]

Hadn’t seen my dad in over a year, before seeing him at my nieces engagement party this time last year. First time all the close family had been in the same room for over 20 years. It was nice. Days later I got a call to say he’d passed. So thankful for that weekend.

 

[rowley]

This is some thread mind.

I think a big thanks is in order to all who have felt like sharing their thoughts. Good and bad they really are quite something.

And " thanks" is what I'd say to my dad if I could see him again . Six years fighting in WW2, home with a bad leg, brought a big family up with my mam and little money. Nee edge on him, quiet advice, quiet encouragement, proud of us all.

I never said thanks, ( who does?!) so that's what I'd say.

 

[Chunksafc]

My dad is my hero, thankfully somehow still with us despite serious heart problems since he was 40 (he's 73 now).

He worked bloody hard when he could from a nurse up the ranks to director of nursing services for North and East Essex health authority, as he rose thorough the ranks he never forgot those around him and faught everyday for the nurses that worked under him.

10 years after he retired, he was still remembered by the older staff at the hospitals and his name alone meant my daughter (born a year later) had the most unbelievable care both in and out of the womb. One of the leading consultants in the world reviewed my daughters weekly results.

I've mentioned before the night there was a bomb threat at the hospital and he insisted on sitting with 1 of the itu patients who couldn't be moved so that the other staff and patients where out of harms way. Takes serious bollox to do that in my opinion and his answer was "I can't ask my staff to do something I wouldn't do"

Thats something I have taken with me into life and I stand by every day.

Not 18 months ago he went in for heart surgery and only by the skill of his surgeon survived. Over 18 hours in theatre and everything they tried was failing, as the surgeon said after the 3rd attempt to close his chest up failed l, my dad was "on the edge of the abyss" by a miracle the surgeon managed to patch what's left of his heart up and saved his life.

Dad had 10 days in itu, fighting for his life and I have never been so scared. Not knowing if I had told him how much he meant, how much I loved him, how much me and his grandkids needed him, but somehow he pulled through and today you wouldn't even know how close he came to going.

The really scary thing is he has said, he knew he couldn't go as he had things to do and people to look after. I honestly believe his will power pulled him through.

I live every day hoping I make him proud and that I can be half the man he was and is

 

[Brainman]

Great thread with some fascinating tales.
My dad died 50 years ago last Thursday, while I was at uni.
We never really got on. I thought he was domineering and a bit of a loser. But then I had a few issues too.
He was from a family of shopkeepers, but became a travelling salesman.
He was a paratrooper in the war. We used to visit his best mate in Newcastle in the 50’s until the bloke committed suicide.
Then dad was defrauded out of his inheritance by his two older brothers.
I’m not sure how they got away with that.
He went from job to job and each job seemed to be worse than the last until he got ill and died.
I don’t know what he died of and I can’t say I’ve ever missed him.
It’s all a bit sad, but hey ho.

 

[rb92]

My dad is not only my best mate but the best man I know and I don’t think I’ve really appreciated just how lucky I have been to have a person like him in my life to bring me up. I only seen him about 3 or 4 times last year because of covid, I get emotional just thinking about it.

The thought that one day he won’t be around any more breaks my heart and fills me with dread.

 

[Essayyeffcee]

My dad is not only my best mate but the best man I know and I don’t think I’ve really appreciated just how lucky I have been to have a person like him in my life to bring me up. I only seen him about 3 or 4 times last year because of covid, I get emotional just thinking about it.

The thought that one day he won’t be around any more breaks my heart and fills me with dread.

We may be going through some crap times at the minute but try to enjoy any good times you can. Both my parents are no longer with me and not a day goes by that I don't think of them and miss them. When I couldn't go and see them I tried to phone as much as I could. What I would give to be able to do that now

 

[Wayne the Punk]

My dad was a great bloke. Worked down the pit all his life. Honest, too honest, even if it upset people. One of my memories, at 18 years old I thought my girlfriend was pregnant. We were in Dawdon miners welfare club, and I thought I should ask him what I should do, after telling him he took a large swig from his pint and said one word "Emigrate" I miss him every day

 

[rb92]

My dad was a great bloke. Worked down the pit all his life. Honest, too honest, even if it upset people. One of my memories, at 18 years old I thought my girlfriend was pregnant. We were in Dawdon miners welfare club, and I thought I should ask him what I should do, after telling him he took a large swig from his pint and said one word "Emigrate" I miss him every day

Brilliant that.

 

[Wayne the Punk]

Do any of you dog people know anything about Scottish Deerhounds, we're planning on a couple of pups .... or Irish Wolfhounds?

We thought we'd have a pair, from different litters, so we can breed them and sell the pups to recover the cost.

They're around £1500 each so there's quite an outlay ...... we'd like them to live in one of the stables and have the run of the place.

I have my name down with a breeder for an Otter Hound, only 40 of them born in the UK last year.

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[Wackyjacky]

Growing up we were never well off but we weren't poor either and my dad basically devoted his life to work to care for his family (at the pits). I loved him as much as he loved me and my two brothers but then, sadly, I started throwing it away at school by mixing with the wrong lot (always someone elses fault eh?), left school with not even an O level even though I'd been highly tipped to do well earlier on. Then it was a typical teenagers lifestyle of drink and football and more drink and football, thankfully I kept a job but without doubt a big disappointment to my mam and dad. But their love never dimmed and thankfully I turned it around in my mid to late 20's and me and my dad became the closest we'd ever been, he even came to the SOL for the opening game and a handful of games thereafter, his first since his season ticket in the 50's. By now I'd gone back to college and got qualifications, was a success in my job and married and was raising a family. I knew I'd finally made him proud and he has always been my driving force long after his death (in 2003), always hoping he's looking down. My username on here is the nickname he gave me as a bairn and adopted this on RTG shortly after he died as a remembrance.
I thought long and hard about posting this as today is not a good day. I'm waiting for the phone to ring at any minute from the hospital to tell me my mam is in her final moments, another victim to this awful disease. So although this thread is about dad's, for me it's also about mam's. I could never have wished for better of either.

 

[OldNewtown]

Growing up we were never well off but we weren't poor either and my dad basically devoted his life to work to care for his family (at the pits). I loved him as much as he loved me and my two brothers but then, sadly, I started throwing it away at school by mixing with the wrong lot (always someone elses fault eh?), left school with not even an O level even though I'd been highly tipped to do well earlier on. Then it was a typical teenagers lifestyle of drink and football and more drink and football, thankfully I kept a job but without doubt a big disappointment to my mam and dad. But their love never dimmed and thankfully I turned it around in my mid to late 20's and me and my dad became the closest we'd ever been, he even came to the SOL for the opening game and a handful of games thereafter, his first since his season ticket in the 50's. By now I'd gone back to college and got qualifications, was a success in my job and married and was raising a family. I knew I'd finally made him proud and he has always been my driving force long after his death (in 2003), always hoping he's looking down. My username on here is the nickname he gave me as a bairn and adopted this on RTG shortly after he died as a remembrance.
I thought long and hard about posting this as today is not a good day. I'm waiting for the phone to ring at any minute from the hospital to tell me my mam is in her final moments, another victim to this awful disease. So although this thread is about dad's, for me it's also about mam's. I could never have wished for better of either.

Brave post mate, thoughts are with you and yours.