Off Topic Your Dad ....

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Smug in Boots

Smug in Boots

Well-Known Member
Jan 27, 2011
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Upper Largo Scotland
...... what is the one thing you would say to him, whether he's alive or not?

My Dad was a terrible man .... a hard drinker who'd fight anyone for the price of a pint and worked in the pits 'til he was my age.
He broke my nose with a great right hander, always gave me a hard time and never showed me any affection.

But, I've come to realise that he was conditioned by his upbringing just as I was with mine.

He died from pneumoconiosis, pitman's lung, and never complained ....... just like many others.

If I could have him here for one day, to see what I've done, I'd hug him and tell him I love him.

He was a right hard sod to me, but now I realise that he had it much tougher than I ever will.
 
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Well, my 'real' Dad, is a scouser. He made my mams life hell. He pushed her down the stairs when she was pregnant with me and she left him when I was 1. He was a horrible bullying drunk. My mother came back to Newcastle and he never bothered with me. When I was 18, I got in contact with him and arranged to meet him in Liverpool. He was waiting for me at the platform when I got off the train. I walked up to him and knocked him on his arse, I then carried on to my next platform and got the train home. I never said a word to him.

My father was my Granda. He raised me and was an incredible man. He didn't drink, or swear, or fight. My Granda worked incredibly hard to provide for his family and always spent his spare time with us. He came to every football match I ever played and took me to my first Sunderland match. If I could see him again, I would thank him for his love and let him know I've never forgotten him advising me that life was all about experience. He drummed that into me and he was right. I know what he meant.
 
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Safc83 said:
Well, my 'real' Dad, is a scouser. He made my mams life hell. He pushed her down the stairs when she was pregnant with me and she left him when I was 1. He was a horrible bullying drunk. My mother came back to Newcastle and he never bothered with me. When I was 18, I got in contact with him and arranged to meet him in Liverpool. He was waiting for me at the platform when I got off the train. I walked up to him and knocked him on his arse, I then carried on to my next platform and got the train home. I never said a word to him.

My father was my Granda. He raised me and was an incredible man. He didn't drink, or swear, or fight. My Granda worked incredibly hard to provide for his family and always spent his spare time with us. He came to every football match I ever played and took me to my first Sunderland match. If I could see him again, I would thank him for his love and let him know I've never forgotten him advising me that life was all about experience. He drummed that into me and he was right. I know what he meant.
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I've been on these boards for many years and that's probably the best post I've ever seen .....
 
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Smug in Boots said:
...... what is the one thing you would say to him, whether he's alive or not?

My Dad was a terrible man .... a hard drinker who'd fight anyone for the price of a pint and worked in the pits 'til he was my age.
He broke my nose with a great right hander, always gave me a hard time and never showed me any affection.

But, I've come to realise that he was conditioned by his upbringing just as I was with mine.

He died from pneumoconiosis, pitman's lung, and never complained ....... just like many others.

If I could have him here for one day, to see what I've done, I'd hug him and tell him I love him.

He was a right hard sod to me, but now I realise that he had it much tougher than I ever will.
Click to expand...

My old man wasn't there for me after my mum died, when I was 13 and needed him most.

I was bitter and angry for years. Took me maybe 30 years to realise he was too ****ed up in his head to be there for me.

25 years or so after he died.

I wish I could talk to him just one last time to say I get it now.
 
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Burly Hurley said:
My old man wasn't there for me after my mum died, when I was 13 and needed him most.
I was bitter and angry for years. Took me maybe 30 years to realise he was too ****ed up in his head to be there for me.
25 years or so after he died.
I wish I could talk to him just one last time to say I get it now.
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It takes a brave man to be able to say that, well done mate.
 
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Smug in Boots said:
I appreciate that mate.

All I would say is that it doesn't actually matter if people post or not.

As long as it makes people think about their own dads, and kids, that's enough.

It's always easier to shy away from our hardest feelings but sometimes we need to acknowledge them.
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I went through the divorce from hell 20 years ago mate. I've got 2 boys.

My best mate, wise as hell, said, many times, don't worry, they'll work it out for themselves.

Wise words. I'm so close to both of them now. And they struggle to maintain a relationship with their mum. And they're good lads.

I have a relationship with my boys that I didn't have with my dad. And that's really cool but it doesn't stop me looking backwards.
 
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Smug in Boots said:
I've been on these boards for many years and that's probably the best post I've ever seen .....
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Thanks mate, as Burly said, it's a tough thread.

I was in Liverpool when I was 16/17. I done a sports management entry level course. I've always had his address, but never thought about going to see him. I always had hatred for him and still to this day, I despise what he done and don't think I'll ever be able to excuse it. Then I just decided to do what I done. It was like closure, in a way.

Fair play to you and Burly for finding forgiveness. Rightly or wrongly, I won't ever be able to do it.
 
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Safc83 said:
Thanks mate, as Burly said, it's a tough thread.

I was in Liverpool when I was 16/17. I done a sports management entry level course. I've always had his address, but never thought about going to see him. I always had hatred for him and still to this day, I despise what he done and don't think I'll ever be able to excuse it. Then I just decided to do what I done. It was like closure, in a way.

Fair play to you and Burly for finding forgiveness. Rightly or wrongly, I won't ever be able to do it.
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Don't ever feel guilty about that either!

You had to deal with **** way beyond your understanding!

We deal with it personally.

Just to add, my kids father in law's kids are famous on the internet. And they went through absolute hell.

They buried him today. His first family didn't turn up.

This thread' s hitting a lot of buttons!
 
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Safc83 said:
Thanks mate, as Burly said, it's a tough thread.

I was in Liverpool when I was 16/17. I done a sports management entry level course. I've always had his address, but never thought about going to see him. I always had hatred for him and still to this day, I despise what he done and don't think I'll ever be able to excuse it. Then I just decided to do what I done. It was like closure, in a way.

Fair play to you and Burly for finding forgiveness. Rightly or wrongly, I won't ever be able to do it.
Click to expand...

Whatever you do is right mate ..... don't ever punish yourself for your decision.
 
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Great believer in not taking things to the grave with you ,Mike and the mechanics track ;

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door

I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him
In the living years

Crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got

You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts

So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up,
And don't give in
You may just be OK

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye

I wasn't there that morning
When my father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say.
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him
In the living years

Say it loud, say it clear
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late when we die
To admit we don't see eye to eye
 
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jdsafc said:
As I head into mid 40's I can see me turning into my dad
Manorisms etc
Terrifying

Some tough posts above lads. Sure you're strong guys because of it
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Ain't that the truth ...... however much we fight we can never escape our heritage, genes and family.

This is the big question, straight out ....

..... if we with all our knowledge, had to go back and be our dads, how much better a job would we do?
 
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Somebodys pinched my sombrero said:
I wish I could talk to my Dad now. I was a useless son to him. Much to my regret now. I'd love to buy him a pint and have a bit craic. I hope he looks down on me and realises that.
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That's one of the most honest posts I've ever seen on a board to be truthful Somb.

Having a dad, and being a dad, is hard ...... only perfect dads can't forgive their own and how many of us can say that?

My Dad was bloody tough on me but who's to say that didn't make me a better man?
 
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