“Doctor, I woke up this morning with this big lump on my left side.” Doctor:“Does your wife know you feel this way about her?”
A Scotsman walking past a posh restaurant with his wife. Wife: just smell the aroma from all that delicious food, it's got my mouth watering. Scotsman thinks: ah what the heck, she deserves it. So they walk past again.
I called the coastguard told them I had fallen out of my boat into the ocean. They said "Can you be more Pacific"
The Catholic Church are going to open a chain of Car Dealerships in Africa and the South Pacific. They'll only be selling Convertibles.
I saw someone waving at me the other day but I wasn’t sure if they were waving at me or someone else so I ignored them. In other news I lost my job as a lifeguard.
Can't believe the amount of people that don't understand erectile dysfunction! I mean, it's not that hard......
Being one of the few Asians in Glasgow, I'm often asked "what's a Hindu?". Why does everyone look puzzled when I reply "lay eggs"?
I went to a ventriloquist’s funeral today, and they sang the hymn “All Things Gright And Geautikal !”
King Charles has just arrived in Iran. ...."Where's the Shah?", he asked. "Oh, we got rid of the Shah years ago", said his guide. "Ohh, in that case, one will have a barth..
Uncle Ben has been rushed into hospital after discovering a lump in one of his testicles. Turns out It was a a boil in the bag
