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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

  1. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  2. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Can't make the #NottingHillCarnival this weekend?
    No problem,
    simply recreate the whole experience at home by bashing some upturned saucepans with a spoon for 16hrs,
    cough up £10 for a homemade hotdog,
    stab yourself and then hand over your wallet to a complete stranger.
    Sorted
     
    #4002
  3. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #4003
  4. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
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  5. LuisDiazgamechanger

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    #4005
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4006
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  7. LuisDiazgamechanger

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    Coincidence

    Mark and Bernie are walking down Regents Street when Mark suddenly says to Bernie,

    "Don't look! Don't look! Here comes my wife and my mistress."

    Bernie sneaks a peak and says, "What a coincidence, I was going to say the same thing!"
     
    #4007
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  8. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #4008
    luvgonzo and organic red like this.
  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #4009
  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  11. Delusional Full Stop

    Delusional Full Stop Here to serve all your counselling needs.
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    Oops...

    <laugh>
     
    #4011
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  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  13. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    Yeah, we all saw that coming. NOT <laugh>
     
    #4013
  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I've just been blocked by Gary Barlow on Twitter!
    Gary.. whatever I said, whatever I did I didn't mean it!
     
    #4014
  15. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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  16. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    A German guy approaches a prostitute and says, "I vish to buy sex vit you."

    "OK" says the girl, "I'll charge £20 an hour."

    "Ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky."

    "No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do a little kinky." So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. I vant you to tie ze springs to each of your limbs.

    "The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs to her elbows and knees.

    "Now you vill get on your hans und knees." She duly does this, balancing on the springs.

    "You vill please blow zis vistle as I make love to you." She find this odd, but it's harmless, and after all the guy is paying well. The sex is fantastic.

    She is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has recovered her breath to say:

    "That was totally amazing, where did you learn how to do that?"

    "Ah," says the German, "Four-sprung duck technique"
     
    #4016
  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    I don’t think the pharmacist likes me......
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    #4018
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  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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