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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

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  1. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #2901
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 6, 2018
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  2. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #2902
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 6, 2018
  3. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #2903
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 6, 2018
  4. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
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    The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.

    Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

    The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”

    Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”

    The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”

    Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.

    Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
     
    #2904
    Zanjinho, Oct 7, 2018
    SIR_KENNY_KLOPP_KING, kiwiqpr, Garlic Klopp and 1 other person like this.
  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    Found the square root.
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    #2905
    kiwiqpr, Oct 7, 2018
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  6. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #2906
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 8, 2018
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  7. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #2907
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 8, 2018
    organic red, kiwiqpr and THE FOOL like this.
  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2908
    kiwiqpr, Oct 9, 2018
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  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2909
    kiwiqpr, Oct 9, 2018
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  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2910
    kiwiqpr, Oct 9, 2018

  11. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    ‘Sorry Kane, that’s an own goal, not yours’ – The Kane jokes never stop
     
    #2911
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 9, 2018
  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

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    #2912
    kiwiqpr, Oct 9, 2018
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  13. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #2913
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 9, 2018
  14. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #2914
    Garlic Klopp, Oct 9, 2018
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  15. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    HOW TO STORE YOUR EX'S NUMBER IN YOUR PHONE:

    Don't Answer one
    Don't Answer two
    Don't Answer three
    Don't Answer four
    Don't Answer five
    Don't Answer six
    Don't Answer seven

    …….And so on
     
    #2915
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2018
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 10, 2018
  16. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    It has many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered a butcher shop and confronted the butcher with the news that the baby in her arms was his. "And asked what are you going to do about it?" she demanded.

    "Well," he said, " I am not a rich man but I will provide you with free meat to feed my son until the boy turns 18." She agreed.

    Ever since that day the butcher has been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager who had been collecting the meat each week, comes into the shop and says, "wel, pop, I'll be 18 tomorrow."

    "I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too. Take this package of meat home and tell your mother that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."

    When the boy arrived home he told that to his mother. The woman nodded and said:

    "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 18 years and watch the expression on HIS face!"
     
    #2916
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 11, 2018
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  17. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #2917
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 11, 2018
    kiwiqpr and Milk not bear jizz like this.
  18. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    #2918
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Oct 11, 2018
  19. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    Where do you get your material from, Dribs? <yikes>
     
    #2919
    Red Hadron Collider, Oct 11, 2018
  20. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    #2920
    Garlic Klopp, Oct 11, 2018
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