Pffftt No punters in awaiting my set? Terrible organisation Obi Rules for the set- 1. To heckle, you must have a beer icon before the heckle . Only alcoholics allowed, none of you social-drinker-types... 2. I will post jokes at indeterminable intervals. I'm a slow typer, I haven't prepared anything for this (because I just remembered) and cutting and pasting from joke websites is hard 3. Feel free to add your own jokes to the mix.
Well I've waited 15 minutes (like a rockstar), only AB is lurking (ready to heckle you git, I know you ), so I shall begin... Glad this isn't on the Chelsea board or they'd be on their feet and clapping after 16 minutes, and I'd misguidedly just think it was for me
People are missing out on a real treat here you flobberwallets ... after my very first set at the Dog and Parrot comedy club in Newcastle, the bar tender genuinely pulled me over and said "I think you were the best of the night!"... Shame he was talking about the compulsory entry fee hand-job and not my jokes *shudders*
Fine... I'll start... Hello, I'm Gandalf, and I'm a qualified archaeologist... And no, don't worry, I won't just be performing some nerdy in-jokes... I wouldn't dig myself into that hole!
Why did Prehistoric people never go into the sea-side coves? Because it was for-midden... Ok that's my last one, promise. I genuinely came up with that, and left it as a comment to my prehistory lecturer on his performance review. He didn't talk to me again... Which was quite unusual, seeing as he was my tutor But I digress, now, where was I?
People have said a lot about Callum McManaman recently, rightly or wrongly. Personally, I'd rather we just stop before it gets too ugly. Shame Callum's mum didn't have a similar thought whilst in labour...
What's the difference between Luis Suarez and the Cyprus economy? At least with Luis, only one f***wit brain is responsible for all the diving.
Wouldn't it be good if "the line" Pardew couldn't get signings over was drawn on other player's WAGS?
I told my dad a variation on this joke, and that it would be in my first ever set, and he gave me a severe talking to!
A rat has been blamed for the power outages at the Fukushima Nuclear power plant... But Suarez says he was in training on Monday
I see Prince William's wife is expecting a baby... Too right, I'd be upset if the French Newspapers had pictures of my partner naked as well
I'm fine thanks Mate, just making the most of the entertainment in here tonight! Where's Minxy when we need a little audience participation,.....
