Off Topic Jokes thread

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  • Two camels, a father and son are grazing.
  • The younger camel looks up to his father and says "Dad! Why do we have these giant humps on our backs?"
  • The father camel looks down on the son and says. "Why, so we can travel for miles in the desert without stopping for water."
  • The young camel looks astonished and says "Wow, I didn"t know that!"
  • A few minutes later, the younger camel pips up again "Dad! Why do we have really thick eyelids?"
  • The older father, rather agitated by his son"s curiosity, answers quickly. "So that our eyes are not scratched by sand storms.
  • "Wow!" The young camel says...Another minute later and the father camel hears his son again.
  • "Dad!".
  • "What now!" The father camel asks.
  • The son then asks. "Why do we have huge feet?"
  • "Well son." The father camel starts. "We need to tread through the sand and out feet are big so we can travel much easier..."
  • A few minutes pass before the father hears his son again.
  • The father camel, clearly agitated turns round. "What!?"
  • "Dad.... What the fcuk are we doing in a zoo then?"
 
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  • This bloke loses both of his ears in an accident.
  • The surgeon tells him that there are no human transplant ears available but they have a dog"s ear and a pig"s ear ready to transplant, so he agrees to the operation.
  • One month later, he goes back for a check up and the doc asks him how he is getting on with his new ears.
  • "Well, doctor,", the bloke says, "the dog ear is brilliant - I can hear for miles and no fcuker ever talks behind my back - but with the pigs ear....I seem to be getting a lot of crackling in it."
 
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  • I was sitting at the bottom of our back yard last night, and whilst gazing heavenwards,
  • I watched the moon as it crossed the sky - like an amber chariot.
  • I saw the stars scattered in space - like diamonds sprinkled on dark blue velvet.
  • I thought - how insignificant we are compared to the vastness of the universe.
  • I also thought..................It"s about time I got a fcuking roof put on this outside toilet!-------------------------
 
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  • Petrol tanker drivers have gone on strike, saying they want more money for the danger of driving about with thousands of gallons of highly explosive liquid attached to their backs.
  • A Shell spokesman said; "There are thousands of Muslims out there who would kill for a job like that!"
 
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  • Two elderly couples chatting.
  • One of the men says: "We went to a great restaurant last night."
  • "What's it called?" asked his pal.
  • He racks his brain, then he says: "What's that red flower you give to someone you love?"
  • "A rose," his mate says.
  • "Rose," calls the man, "what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"
 
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