You've surely read those little dialogues that I occasionally write? I bet you thought I was making them up, right!
Here's another episode:
[At the local bank]
PIXIE: "I'd like to make a withdrawal, please! From this account..." [PIXIE passes his bank card to the teller]
TELLER: "Yes, sir! How much would you like to withdraw?"
PIXIE: "Not enough to help the Spuds, that's for sure!"
TELLER: "Sorry?"
PIXIE: "I haven't got enough in my account to sort out that shower!"
TELLER: "You want money for potatoes?"
PIXIE: "No."
TELLER: "Enter your pin, sir."
[PIXIE taps his pin into the machine at the side of the counter]
PIXIE: "That's £100, not £100,000,000!"
TELLER: [smiling awkwardly. She feels very uncomfortable] "Of course!"
PIXIE: "That's the minimum the Spuds will need to get themselves top-half, this season!"
TELLER: "What?" [There is irritation in the TELLER's voice, now. She's wants shot of PIXIE, and quickly]
PIXIE: "Mind you, they'd piss it up the wall. AGAIN!!!"
[PIXIE snorts with maniacal laughter, and his eyes blaze like those of a madman. The TELLER is terrified. She wants this to end.]
TELLER: "Check the amount, please, sir!"
PIXIE: "I won't change it - PROMISE!"
TELLER: "I'm not suggesting that you wou...."
PIXIE: "Unlike HIAG! He'd sneak in a couple of zeros and make out it was your fault!"
TELLER: "Please, I have no idea what you are talking about!"
PIXIE: "HIAG is a failed wum!"
TELLER: "I'm sorry, sir, but I must insist that you leave these premises, immediately!"
PIXIE: "You would not believe the times I've "owned" him!"
TELLER: [shouting at the top of her voice, in terror] "Security! Please! Help me!"
PIXIE: "He tells everyone that I spend all my time, hiding under my mum's stairs, naked and alone, ****ing in the dark, but he's only repeating what a mate of mine said!"
TELLER: [crying with abject fear] "For ****sake! Please, someone, call the police! NOW!"
[PIXIE is escorted from the bank and taken to the local police station, where he is cautioned and warned that any future harassment will result in ASBO proceedings]
**** knows what goes on inside your head!...



