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Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

Page 12 of 361
  1. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    I saw Arsene Wenger in a restaurant today and I felt compelled to go over and speak to him.
    "Mr Wenger," I said, "Please don't listen to all those doubters who are questioning your footballing philosophy. You are, without question, the best thing that has ever happened to Arsenal, and I for one, hope you remain in charge for many years to come."
    He thanked me for my kind words and we shook hands.
    Silly **** never questioned why I was wearing a Spurs shirt though.
     
    #221
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Jul 28, 2014
  2. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    That's the first time you've ever sworn on here <yikes>
     
    #222
    Red Hadron Collider, Jul 28, 2014
  3. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    How do you get 99 out of 100 old dears to say "f**k?






















































    Get one to shout "bingo"
     
    #223
    Garlic Klopp, Jul 28, 2014
  4. sa1nts

    sa1nts Active Member

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    Gerry Marsden has not had his contract renewed as Liverpool FC's official singer.

    Instead they've given a five year contract to All Saints
     
    #224
    sa1nts, Jul 28, 2014
  5. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment

    with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,

    that he was having trouble with one of his

    medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the

    nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours, and

    now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him

    quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped I

    wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on

    his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the

    old patch before applying a new one.
     
    #225
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Jul 30, 2014
  6. organic red

    organic red Well-Known Member

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    ??:confused:?? :huh:<laugh>
     
    #226
    organic red, Jul 30, 2014

  7. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    Hmmm. Not of this earth <yikes>
     
    #227
    Red Hadron Collider, Jul 30, 2014
  8. sa1nts

    sa1nts Active Member

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    Ebola could come to the UK from Africa.

    Rodgers has already put a bid in.
     
    #228
    sa1nts, Jul 30, 2014
  9. InBiscanWeTrust

    InBiscanWeTrust Rome, London, Paris, Rome, Istanbul, Madrid Forum Moderator

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    Unless it comes via Southampton, he won't be interested <ok>
     
    #229
    InBiscanWeTrust, Jul 30, 2014
  10. LuisDiazgamechanger

    LuisDiazgamechanger Dribbles

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    The following is from the US Government Peace Corps Manual for its volunteers who work in the Amazon Jungle. It tells what to do in case you are attacked by an anaconda, the largest snake in the world. It is a relative of the boa constrictor, it grows to thirty-five feet in length and weighs between three and four hundred pounds at the maximum.
    This is what the manual said:
    1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run. The snake is faster than you are.
    2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight against your sides, your legs tight against one another
    3. Tuck your chin in.
    4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and climb over your body.
    5. Do not panic
    6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin to swallow you from the feet and - always from the end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and ankles. Do not panic.
    7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.
     
    #230
    LuisDiazgamechanger, Jul 31, 2014
  11. Red Hadron Collider

    Red Hadron Collider The Hammerhead

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    Where do you get your material from? <yikes> Sack the ****er <laugh>
     
    #231
    Red Hadron Collider, Jul 31, 2014
  12. organic red

    organic red Well-Known Member

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    Don't panic,FFS DON'T PANIC :emoticon-0107-sweat
     
    #232
    organic red, Jul 31, 2014
  13. Super G Ted'inho

    Super G Ted'inho Guest

    French <ok>
     
    #233
    Super G Ted'inho, Jul 31, 2014
  14. Garlic Klopp

    Garlic Klopp Well-Known Member

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    Star Wars Episode 7 plot details revealed online &#8211; Wookieleaks blamed.
     
    #234
    Garlic Klopp, Jul 31, 2014
  15. organic red

    organic red Well-Known Member

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    Almost :bandit:
     
    #235
    organic red, Jul 31, 2014
  16. InBiscanWeTrust

    InBiscanWeTrust Rome, London, Paris, Rome, Istanbul, Madrid Forum Moderator

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    What do you call a Mexican who has had his car stolen....


    Carlos <laugh>
     
    #236
    InBiscanWeTrust, Jul 31, 2014
  17. InBiscanWeTrust

    InBiscanWeTrust Rome, London, Paris, Rome, Istanbul, Madrid Forum Moderator

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    What do you call a Mexican peeping tom..

    Senor Boobs
     
    #237
    InBiscanWeTrust, Jul 31, 2014
  18. InBiscanWeTrust

    InBiscanWeTrust Rome, London, Paris, Rome, Istanbul, Madrid Forum Moderator

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    Did you hear about the Mexican that got our of hospital?

    Manuel...
     
    #238
    InBiscanWeTrust, Jul 31, 2014
  19. InBiscanWeTrust

    InBiscanWeTrust Rome, London, Paris, Rome, Istanbul, Madrid Forum Moderator

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    What do you call a Mexican cheese that doesn't belong to you

    Nacho cheese!
     
    #239
    InBiscanWeTrust, Jul 31, 2014
  20. InBiscanWeTrust

    InBiscanWeTrust Rome, London, Paris, Rome, Istanbul, Madrid Forum Moderator

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    What do you call 2 Mexicans playing basketball

    Juan on Juan
     
    #240
    InBiscanWeTrust, Jul 31, 2014
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