Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

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Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. When I think about it now. ....I think you bring me bad luck!"
 
Once there was a man that came from Italy to America, He couldnt speak English so he went to choir and learned how to say "Me me me me me me."
Then he went to the store and saw a little girl say "He stole my dolly"
And on his way home he went to get meat from the butcher and learned how to say "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then he went home and watched an air freshener commercial and learned how to say "Plug it in Plug it in."
Then he went to the store and there was a murder the police said "Who killed this man?"
The foreigner said "Me me me me me me me."
The police said "Why did you kill him?"
And the man said "He stole my dolly."
The police man said "What did you kill him with?"
The man said "Big butcher knife big butcher knife."
Then they took him to jail and sentenced him to death.
The police man said "any last words?"
And the foreigner said "Plug it in plug it in."
 
couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
The woman there smiled and told me not to worry
because she was a trained professional and
said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me,
'Has your plane arrived yet?'...
(I work with professionals like this.)
 
A Dutch man sees a man on his knees using his hand to drink water from one of Amsterdam’s canal.

He walks up to him and says in Dutch “Hey – you can’t drink that water, it’s dirty and will make you sick”.

The tourist shouts back in German: “Was sagen Sie?“ (What are you saying?)

The Dutch man responds in German: “Sie sollen mit zwei haende trinken, das geht besser!” (Use both hands, it’s much better!”)

"
 
Wecanplayyoueveryweek said:
A Dutch man sees a man on his knees using his hand to drink water from one of Amsterdam’s canal.

He walks up to him and says in Dutch “Hey – you can’t drink that water, it’s dirty and will make you sick”.

The tourist shouts back in German: “Was sagen Sie?“ (What are you saying?)

The Dutch man responds in German: “Sie sollen mit zwei haende trinken, das geht besser!” (Use both hands, it’s much better!”)

"
Click to expand...

That looks more English than Dutch to me :huh:
 
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