SOT - Man Utd vs Liverpool Alternative Commentary

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Joe Allen is about as exciting as buying a packet of football stickers and then getting Joe Allen inside it
 
33rd minute: More suicidal passing here... Maybe I should tell them I was happy with one goal? Nah, after yesterday I deserve a few more! Joe Allen this time with the through pass for Welbeck... Shot blocked though. And he gets another shot later, hammering it over...
 
39th minute: Accidental PUN!!! SkySports commentator says "Downing dispossessed Cleverly". Yep, that's where we're at with this game...

Gerrard makes another strange back pass which forces Reina to dash from his goal and hoof it at a Man Utd fan I presume had been giving him stick #irrationalhatred
 
Suarez and RVP would be both dreamy football wise, and rate highly on the most hated partnerships scale.
 
40th minute: Liverpool haven't been so obviously determined to concede goals in the last few minutes, must have put a bet on the minutes a goal would be scored, so Man Utd are obliged to create something themselves, and a nice little move ends in Cleverly poking the ball wide.
 
44th minute: Van Persie misses a chance! The better Da Silva twin gets behind Johnson after a brilliant pass from wor Carrick, but Van Perise elects to take the piss and backheels it at the keeper, before Shinji Kagawa hoofs Reina in the direction of the net... You can understand the confusion, his kit is the same colour as the ball... Same with me looking at their outfield players and thinking they're **** <whistle>
 
49th minute: Johnson had the perfect opportunity to make another appalling back pass and instead turns on his heels and beats the man. Disgusting play <grr>:emoticon-0181-fubar

Half-time 1-0. Fergie has never lost a game his side were winning at half-time, and he joined Man Utd in 1986 #ruthless
 
Gandalf said:
30th minute: Jose Mourinho and Roy Hodgson sitting next to each other, and beside them somebody with a Man Utd scarf over their eyes... Surprisingly it's not Webb, he's officiating today.
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Over their eyes? wtf is the point in going?
 
jimileysbaldhead said:
Side-topics today;

1. Suarez, cheating arse or misunderstood and wounded bunny?
2. How many goals head-start will Fergie give the opposition today?
3. Is Wayne Rooney world class?
4. What does "world class" actually mean?
5. De Gea, potential, or potentially the worst signing of all time?

6) After passing a late fitness test will the talismanic Howard Webb again prove to be Fergie's best ever signing.
Click to expand...

They've got so many match-winners, he barely needs Webb these days to be fair... Atkinson, Clattenberg, Dowd to name a few <whistle>
 
Second-half kicks off: Fresh from Fergie's half time hypnosis, Webb signals the start of the second half. De Gea bossed that half-time period, sensational goalkeeping. Sure he dropped a few orange segments and fumbled the drinks, but he's new to this dressing room. It's different to the Spanish dressing rooms he's used to.
 
46th minute: Sturridge is on by the way. Sky commentators insisting the extra room in midfield will give Man Utd more opportunities... I'm not so sure, less Liverpool midfielders making dangerous pass-backs has got to be a good thing.

Webb gives Man Utd a free-kick 30 yards out. After a brief spell of thinking he's a chicken, he plucks up the courage to march the Liverpool wall back. Fergie shouts instruction #hen-pecked

Van Persie fires it over though
 
52nd minute: Liverpool getting more into the game now... Forward passing eh? Who knew right? Well Wisdom is sent through, but slips on his arse as he swings an agricultural foot at it.
 
53 minutes: Ok, which penis has clapped three times and shouted "minty"? Webb's clearly snapped out of it, giving a yellow to Skrtel who's all over the back of the Man Utd player who would be straight through. From the free-kick it's swung in and Evra heads at goal, bumping off Vidic's face on the way in.
 
56th minute: Gerrard has a shot from the edge of the area, *cough* De Gea knocks into the danger area from his save <doh> *cough* and Sturridge finishes easily. Game on #****sakefantasyfootballpoints<wah>
 
60th minute: *click*, and he's back under. Gerrard's slight bump fells Van Persie and Webb blows immediately. That horse wouldn't survive the grand national... Anyway, Van Persie with the free-kick, Reina gathers and hoofs it away, then looks slightly sheepishly towards the manager's dugout... DAMMIT PEPE SIDEWAYS ONLY!!!!
 
63rd minute: Kagawa forces a save from route-one Reina, and from the corner Wisdom and Vidic are crying on the floor... They collided in mid-air and were simultaneously punched by Pepe. He should just leave this clearing malark to his players like the wonderful De Gea. Anyway, Fergie decides it's too controversial to give a penalty there, even for him, so Webb gives Liverpool the kick.
 
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