Come On You 'Ull
By Mike Watts
Statistics claim my city sucks
And in 'Crap Towns' and other books
They say - poverty and slum have tied the knot
And we're all wild on drink and pot,
And teenage girls with STD's
Push their buggies in two's and three's,
Past feral gangs tooled-up and hooded
Prowling streets not long since flooded,
Where everything's robbed and set alight
And screaming sirens every night,
Arrive too late, or just in time
To GBH and other crime -
Well hang about - you expert geeks
It's not just our **** that reeks,
We're no better, we're no worse
And any place can pinch your purse,
And I bet even your leafy village
Has seen unemployment, rape and pillage.
So next time you take the piss
Please - give Hull a miss,
Think twice before you have a go -
'Or we'll burgle yer an' brek yer jaw.'