Hilarious Jokes

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Mind The Duck said:
Yermaw was laying in a close talking out loud saying, "I wish had another drink." He then passed out. As he was saying that, ER was walking by and heard him. When the ER came back, he f*cked Yermaw and put three quid in his pocket. Yermaw woke up later and found the money, ran to the offy, and said, "Give me the cheapest half of pint you have," and went back to his spot, drunk it and passed out again. ER came back, f*cked YerMaw again, and left five quid. Yermaw woke up, ran back to the offy and said, "Give me the cheapest pint you have," and went back to his spot. ER came back again. Once he saw Yermaw passed out, he f*cked him again and left eight quid. Yermaw woke up and realized he had some more money. He ran back to the offy, and before he could say a word, the owner said, "I know, you want the cheapest pint you can get," and Yermaw said, "No, give me the most expensive half you got. That cheap pish is tearing my arse up."
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^^^^ sounds legit
 
So there's a black guy, Simon, and a Muslim. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and **** appears the genie! The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So ****! His wish is granted. Then, the genie goes to the Muslim and asks, "What's your one wish?" The Muslim goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be in Pakistan, happy and everything." So ****! His wish is granted. Now, the genie goes over to Simon and asks, "What's your one wish?" and Simon asks, "You mean to tell me that all the black and Muslim people are out of Britain?" The genie replies, "Yes." So Simon says, "Then I'll have a Coke."
 
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I was walking through the woods yesterday when I came across a suitcase, when I opened it, it was stuffed with a Fox, vixen and two cubs. Rather alarmed, I called the RSPCA for advice. The operator asked me ‘are they moving?’

‘I’m not sure’ says I, ‘but it would explain the suitcase’
 
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DMD said:
I was walking through the woods yesterday when I came across a suitcase, when I opened it, it was stuffed with a Fox, vixen and two cubs. Rather alarmed, I called the RSPCA for advice. The operator asked me ‘are they moving?’

‘I’m not sure’ says I, ‘but it would explain the suitcase’
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Ffs, did that not win the Edinburgh Fringe Festival joke about 10 plus years ago?
 
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