Off Topic And Now for Something Completely Different
- Thread starter Dr.Stanley O'Google, HCFC
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https://www.brewdog.com/uk/worlds-strongest-beer
Amongst others...
Amongst others...
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Some weird stuff on here tonight, is it full moon or summat??
Somewhat unsurprisingly, I'm reminded of this joke:
Little Johnny had just come back to school from his summer break and the teacher was asking all of the kids to stand up and tell the class what they had done in their holidays. When it came to the turn of Johnny he stood up and told the teacher " Well M'am I went down the woods with my mates, found some frogs and stuck fireworks up their ARSES". Horrified, the teacher replied "RECTUM, Johnny, RECTUM".
Johnny paused for a moment then declared "WRECKD'EM? WRECKD'EM? It blew 'em to ****ing pieces, Miss!"
Steverico played that youtube clip when I was driving us to an away match, it's not easy driving on a motorway with tears of laughter rolling down your face. 
Thought it was a spoof when I heard it on the radio...
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-55946252
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-55946252
When I watched it on Youtube this morning, at the end an advert for an investment bank fronted by a well known former leader of UKIP popped up. Exquisite!
The tattooist would be well advised to invest in a Davey Lamp and a canary in a cage, otherwise his business insurance policy premiums will explode !
Oh yes - business opportunity - teflon coated asbestos thongs anyone ?
South Yorks surprise disaster ! Real source not clear.
Buttock Tattoo Terror Lands Rotherham Pair In Hospital
A furious row has broken out between a local tattoo artist and his client after what started out as a routine inking session left both of them requiring emergency hospital treatment.
Furious film fan and part-time plus-size XXXL model Tracey Munter (23), had visited the 'Ink It Good' Tattoo Emporium in Wellgate, Yorkshire last week, to have the finishing touches applied to a double buttock representation of the chariot race scene from the iconic 1959 film, Ben Hur.
Tattooist Jason Burns takes up the story.
"It was a big job in more ways than one", he told us "I'd just lit a roll-up and was finishing off a centurions helmet. It's delicate, close up work. Next thing is, I sense a slight ripple in the buttock cleavage area just around Charlton Heston's whip, and a hissing sound – more of a whoosh than a rasp – and before I know what's happening, there's a flame shooting from her arse to my *** and my beards gone up like an Aussie bush fire."
Jason says he rushed to the studio sink to quell the flames, only to turn round and see Tracey frantically fanning her buttock area with a damp towel. The flames had travelled down the gas cloud and set fire to her thong which was smoking like a cheap firework. "To be honest", said Jason, "I didn't even realise she was wearing one. You'd need a sodding mining licence and a torch to find out for sure. She could have had a complete wardrobe in there and I'd have been none the wiser."
Jason and Tracey were taken to Rotherham District Hospital accident and emergency department where they were treated for minor burns and shock. Both are adamant that the other is to blame.
"I'm furious" said Jason, "I've got a face like a mange-ridden dog and my left eyebrow's not there any more. I don't know about Ben Hur – Gone With The Wind would be more appropriate. You don't just let rip in someone's face like that. It's dangerous"
But Tracey remains both angry and unrepentant. "I'm still in agony," she said, "and Charlton Heston looks more like Sidney bloody Poitier now. Jason shouldn't have had a *** on the go when he's doing close up work, there's no way I'd guff on purpose. He'd had me on all fours for nearly an hour. I can only put up with that for so long before nature takes its course. My Kev knows that I give him my five-second warning, and I'd have done the same for Jason, but I didn't get chance – it just quietly crept out."
Ted Walters from the South Yorkshire Fire and Rescue service wasn't surprised when we asked him to comment on what had happened. "People just don't appreciate the dangers," he told us. "We get more call outs to flatulence ignition incidents than kitchen fires these days now that people have moved over to oven chips. We have a slogan 'Flame 'n fart – keep 'em apart' Anyone engaging in an arse-inking scenario would do well to bear that in mind in future. On behalf of the entire Fire and Rescue service, we wish them both a speedy recovery.
****ing priceless.
It’s only how I imagine council meetings are all over the country. None of them can stand someone else talking.
Some of the Teams meetings I’ve been in are bad cos they seem to think no one can here them!
Some of the Teams meetings I’ve been in are bad cos they seem to think no one can here them!
That Handforth Parish Council meeting is one of the funniest things I've seen in a while.
It almost felt fake, it was that ridiculous.
It almost felt fake, it was that ridiculous.
I was just catching up on some MOTD games, and I see West Ham had brought in Lingard and he took Bowen's place and scored twice.
Even though Jarrod has settled in well to life in the EPL, and has been a regular starter, I saw that Moyes was a bit critical of him and his lack of goals.
It will be interesting to see what happens, it looks as if he has some real competition for his place now.
Even though Jarrod has settled in well to life in the EPL, and has been a regular starter, I saw that Moyes was a bit critical of him and his lack of goals.
It will be interesting to see what happens, it looks as if he has some real competition for his place now.
Smallest lizard on Earth discovered.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-55945948
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-africa-55945948
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As good a player as Bowen is, a mentally fit Lingard, with his head in the game, is a step up in class.
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