Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

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Saw this sign in a local churchyard. I thought to myself....... (1) I didn't know Adders could read........and (2) I didn't know they kept Dogs........

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A soldier who was renting a house from me has done a runner owing me six months rent.

He told me he was a General but I’ve since discovered he’s a Left Tenant.
 
A priest has a heart attack, and is rushed to the hospital.
He wakes up as he's being rushed through the hospital on a gurney by two nurses.
"Am I in heaven?" asks the disoriented priest.
"No" says one of the nurses. "We're just taking a short cut through the children's ward