Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD
- Thread starter Garlic Klopp
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LGBT statistics: The proportion of straight people in Britain has fallen
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It's nice to see that every now and then Lord Adonis is still able to let his hair down.pic.twitter.com/mSNRbM2bln
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A Man goes to the Doctor for a checkup:
Man: Just so you're not alarmed, I have 5 penises Doctor
Doctor: Good grief, how do your trousers fit?
Man: Like a Glove....
Man: Just so you're not alarmed, I have 5 penises Doctor
Doctor: Good grief, how do your trousers fit?
Man: Like a Glove....
Tindo na Tonde are identical twins. Tonde was married and Tindo was
single. Tindo had an old boat which was on the verge of becoming a wreck.
It so happened that Tindo’s boat sank on the same day that Tonde’s wife died.
A few days later a kindly old lady met Tindo on the street, and mistaking him
for Tonde said:" I am sorry to hear of your great loss, and you must feel terrible."
Tindo thinking the lady was talking about his boat replied;
"Ah, well, she was rotten. She had cracks at the back she smelled like rotten fish.
The first time I had a ride on her, she quickly got filled up with water like I had
never seen before in my whole life. She had a crack and a big hole in front which kept
on growing each and every time I used it. In time I could handle her alright,
but when someone else was using her she leaked like anything.
But what killed her, were 4 men who came wanting to take a ride on her and have some funny.
They borrowed her from me, but I warned them that she wasn't so hot, but the crazy fools tried,
to all go inside at the same time. It was too much for her and she cracked right up the middle! “
single. Tindo had an old boat which was on the verge of becoming a wreck.
It so happened that Tindo’s boat sank on the same day that Tonde’s wife died.
A few days later a kindly old lady met Tindo on the street, and mistaking him
for Tonde said:" I am sorry to hear of your great loss, and you must feel terrible."
Tindo thinking the lady was talking about his boat replied;
"Ah, well, she was rotten. She had cracks at the back she smelled like rotten fish.
The first time I had a ride on her, she quickly got filled up with water like I had
never seen before in my whole life. She had a crack and a big hole in front which kept
on growing each and every time I used it. In time I could handle her alright,
but when someone else was using her she leaked like anything.
But what killed her, were 4 men who came wanting to take a ride on her and have some funny.
They borrowed her from me, but I warned them that she wasn't so hot, but the crazy fools tried,
to all go inside at the same time. It was too much for her and she cracked right up the middle! “
Bill Shankly spent his first Saturday afternoon in retirement watching his local home match, Everton v Derby County.
Meanwhile Liverpool were playing at Luton and when the press asked Bob what Shankly was doing this particular afternoon, he replied:
"He's trying to get right away from football. I believe he went to Everton."
Meanwhile Liverpool were playing at Luton and when the press asked Bob what Shankly was doing this particular afternoon, he replied:
"He's trying to get right away from football. I believe he went to Everton."
i have been told apart from original bottom shown at mayflower southampton, where it generally was an accident but a brilliant one, all the others have been done on purpose.
and when you watch them again you can see what they mean to be honest. still funny though and sad loss of rik mayall.
and when you watch them again you can see what they mean to be honest. still funny though and sad loss of rik mayall.
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© PA Spitting Image's Salman Rushdie puppet is also up for auction
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PA The former Conservative prime minister was a prominent target for the show
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PA ...and Tom Hanks (right) and Boy George