Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD
- Thread starter Garlic Klopp
- Start date
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A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUSTN'T RUN AROUND ON ME, MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
HUSBAND WANTED:
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUSTN'T RUN AROUND ON ME, MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
Before marriage, I would sit at stop lights for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.
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Honestly I didn’t give Dr Victoria Bateman a second thought when I bought this.
xcuse my rant but I'm absolutely fuming ......
My son got sent home from school yesterday. He has been suspended for running around the girls toilets waving his willy around. Idiotic yes but it seems he had done it for a bet.
Suspension seemed to be a bit harsh, so I rang the headmaster to explain that it was just a bit of tomfoolery gone too far. However, he was having none of it and has stuck by the suspension.
Getting a bit peeved, I asked the head if he would rather have him thieving and smashing the school up like others I could mention.
"No", he said, "I would rather have him teaching the year 5 Geography class that he is employed to do"..........
My son got sent home from school yesterday. He has been suspended for running around the girls toilets waving his willy around. Idiotic yes but it seems he had done it for a bet.
Suspension seemed to be a bit harsh, so I rang the headmaster to explain that it was just a bit of tomfoolery gone too far. However, he was having none of it and has stuck by the suspension.
Getting a bit peeved, I asked the head if he would rather have him thieving and smashing the school up like others I could mention.
"No", he said, "I would rather have him teaching the year 5 Geography class that he is employed to do"..........
Lotto lout Michael Carroll is working as a £10-an-hour LUMBERJACK after being left penniless when he blew his £10million jackpot on drug-fuelled parties
Lotto lout Michael Carroll is earning £10 an hour working as a lumberjack after frittering away his his £10 million fortune
Carroll scooped the lottery jackpot in 2002 but he squandered away the money on fast cars plus drink and drugs.
He is now penniless and is delivering coal and chops firewood at a fuel merchant's firm in Elgin, Scotland.
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Lotto lout Michael Carroll is earning £10 an hour working as a lumberjack after frittering away his his £10 million fortune
Carroll scooped the lottery jackpot in 2002 but he squandered away the money on fast cars plus drink and drugs.
He is now penniless and is delivering coal and chops firewood at a fuel merchant's firm in Elgin, Scotland.
How do you squander £10m? even over 16-17 years. Putting this money in a very prudent 2% investment (low in that period 2002-2018) would have given him £200,000 a year. Plenty for his fast cars, drink and drugs and may be have a little bit of sex thrown in too.
This bloke said to me, "I'm going to attack you with the neck of a guitar."
I said, "Is that a fret?"....
I said, "Is that a fret?"....