1. Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!

Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

Discussion in 'Liverpool' started by Garlic Klopp, Jan 13, 2014.

  1. Zanjinho

    Zanjinho Boom!
    Forum Moderator

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2014
    Messages:
    47,708
    Likes Received:
    29,706
    I heard a commentator use that joke in a recent game but he said Mexican rather than Italian, the ****ing muppet!
     
    #6161
  2. Milk..

    Milk.. Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2021
    Messages:
    11,251
    Likes Received:
    8,437

    Yes, but what do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe that lost his car?

    Carlos Roberto.
     
    #6162
    Zanjinho likes this.
  3. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    please log in to view this image
     
    #6163
  4. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    please log in to view this image
     
    #6164
  5. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    According to a news report, a certain private school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
    Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.
    Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses)..
    To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
    He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
    There are teachers .. and then there are educators!
     
    #6165
  6. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    please log in to view this image
     
    #6166
  7. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    Just been watching Women's golf on Sky. It's so much like real life...

    They're shyte at driving but great with an iron!
     
    #6167
  8. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    please log in to view this image
     
    #6168
  9. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    please log in to view this image
     
    #6169
  10. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    please log in to view this image
     
    #6170

  11. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    please log in to view this image
     
    #6171
  12. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    please log in to view this image
     
    #6172
  13. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    please log in to view this image
     
    #6173
  14. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    please log in to view this image
     
    #6174
  15. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    please log in to view this image
     
    #6175
    organic red likes this.
  16. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
  17. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
  18. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    Well, what a relief!! At long last, I’ve finally had some good luck for a change!
    I saw a fortune-teller recently who told me to beware of a stranger who will try and take me for a mug and con me out of a large cash sum during the next 3 weeks.
    Well, I’ve been careful and the 3 weeks are up today, and brilliant!.. nothing’s happened!!

    Best £500 quid I’ve ever spent.
     
    #6178
    organic red likes this.
  19. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    Chromosomes, a beginner's guide:
    XY = Male
    XX = Female
    YYY = Delilah
     
    #6179
  20. kiwiqpr

    kiwiqpr Barnsie Mod

    Joined:
    May 11, 2011
    Messages:
    115,968
    Likes Received:
    232,076
    I got the sack from my job at the calendar printers, just because I took a couple of days off
     
    #6180
    organic red likes this.

Share This Page