I was in Currys the other day, and I saw a TV made totally from pasta. I said to the manager "What's that?" He replied "It's a tagliatelle"........
Breaking News: The BBC announces that it will remake The Dam Busters. please log in to view this image 8
Same Sex marriage Michael and Gary got married in California. They couldn't afford a honeymoon so they go back to Michael's Mom and Dad's house in Corner Brook for their first married night together. In the morning, Johnny, Michael's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Michael and Gary are up yet. She replies, 'No'. Johnny asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school.' Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, 'Are Michael and Gary up yet?' She replies, 'No.' Johnny says, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school ' After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, 'Are Michael and Gary up yet?' His mom says, 'No.' He asks, 'Do you know what I think?' His mom replies, 'OK, now tell me what you think.' He says: 'Last night Michael came to my room for the Vaseline and I think...I gave him my airplane glue.'
Pedro and Sancho are lost in the Mexican desert at the time of the Alamo, with the sun beating down on them and no water or food they're on their last legs and beginning to hallucinate. As Pedro looks down into the valley he suddenly sees something in the distance and turns to Sancho excitedly and shouts: "Look Sancho, ees a bacon tree!" "Que?" "Eet ees, ees a bacon tree!" "No, you ees crazy Pedro" "eet ees, eet ees......." Pedro finds the energy to run towards the bacon tree and is cut down in a hail of bullets, as he lay dying he utters... "Sancho my friend be careful... "Ees... "Ees... "Ees... "A hambush!
A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can't sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog's testicles, and he will stop snoring. 'Yeah right!' she says. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog's testicles. Sure... enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed. Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and immediately begins snoring loudly. The woman decides maybe the ribbon might work on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband's testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him! The woman sleeps soundly. The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates. He is very confused and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog's testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers, 'I don't know where we were or what we did, but we got FIRST and SECOND place!
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. 'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.' She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.' 'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 'Oh, it's a statue,' she replied. 'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.' No more was said, not even when they went to bed. Around 2 A.M., the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer. 'Here,' he said to the statue, 'have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smiths and nobody offered me a damned thing.'
