I was a bit bored with the usual events at the Olympics so thought it would be a good idea to branch out and see some of the lesser known ones and plumped for Fencing. Amazed at their skill, athleticism and dexterity I decided to dig a bit deeper into what makes an Olympic level Fencer. Because security wasn't as heavy as the more popular events I was able to mingle with the athletes and got to speak to all the medalists. First up was a Dutch Fencer who'd won the Bronze medal, I asked what it was that made him so good he replied "It is all about balance, I am an expert. See that fly there?" he said pointing to a bluebottle floating around "watch this" swish swish swish went his rapier and the fly landed in half at his feet. Impressed I then bumped into the Silver medalist from Russia and asked him what made him so good he replied "It is all about dedication, that is why I am an expert. See that fly there?" and he pointed to another bluebottle buzzing about the room "watch this" swish swish swish went his rapier and the fly landed in three bits on the floor. Impressed I then saw the Gold medalist from France and I asked him the same question about what made him so good, he replied "It is all about concentration, that is why I won the Gold medal and why I am the greatest" and he pointed to another fly shooting around all over the room "watch this" swish swish swish went his rapier and the fly carried on buzzing around the room. "That's no good!" I said "those other two Fencers did that and killed the fly, you let yours get away" "Ah yes" said the French Fencer "but that fly will never have children"
Breaking news: Irish swimming pools will reopen on the 4th of July, due to social distancing there will be no water in lanes 1,3 and 5
Being a manutd fan these days is annoying enough as it is the other day I was talking about how good Liverpool are and I was labelled a traitor , questioned about my loyalty and insulted. What do they think I am ? An undercover KOP?
So the Mrs said she wanted me to be as spectacular as Liverpool in bed ....so I stayed on top for most of it and came second!
A young mother was pushing her baby along the street in Manchester when suddenly a huge rottweiler dog lunged towards the pram, gnashing its teeth. The young woman thought for a moment that the dog would kill them when suddenly a man rushed over, wrestled with the rottweiler and broke it's neck with his bare hands. Another man rushed to the scene and said, "I am a reporter and I saw everything that happened. Wait until I put the headline in my paper. It will read 'Manchester United fan saves baby from savage rottweiler!" "No you can't write that!" replied the man. "But why not?" said the reporter. "Because I am not a Manchester United fan, that's why!" replied the man. "Oh, okay then," said the reporter, "I will write Manchester City supporter saves mother and baby from savage rottweiler!" "You can't write that either," said the man. "Why not?" asked the reporter. "Because I am a Liverpool fan!" replied the man. "Oh I see," said the reporter, "How about this then, 'Scouse ******* kills family pet!"
