Theresa May is touring Perthshire in the Prime Minister's chauffeur driven car. Suddenly a cow jumps out into the road. They hit it full on and the car comes to a stop. Theresa in her usual raspy manner, says to the chauffeur: "You get out and check - you were driving." The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead. "You were driving, go and tell the farmer," says Theresa firmly, I can't afford to be blamed for anything. The chauffeur walks up the drive to the farmhouse and returns five hours later totally plastered, his hair ruffled and with a big grin on his face. "My God, what happened to you?" asks Theresa. The chauffeur replies: "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap up meal and the daughter made love to me." "What on earth did you say?" asks Theresa. "Well, I knocked on the door and when it was answered, I said to them, "I'm Theresa May's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow.""
