Off Topic The offical: Jokes THREAD

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How cool is this?
There's a parking place at the supermarket where men are allowed to get the Weber out and BBQ...
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Boris Johnson’s generalisations about the burqa are inaccurate. These women are not “letterboxes” or “bank robbers” & if he were to bother to sit down with a Muslim he’d see that under that garment there is a human being inside who despises the west & wants homosexuals dead.
 
On the menu I saw something called Golden Soup.
I called the waitress over and asked why it was called Golden Soup.
She said it was because there were 24 carrots in it....
 
When asked if he preferred legs or breasts,
Paddy said that he had a particular fondness for shaved fannies.
He was informed that this was not an option with a KFC bargin bucket.
 
A duck waddles into a pub, goes up to the bar and says to the barman, have you got any grapes, the barman replies No mate this is a pub not a grocers. The duck turns round and waddles out. The next day the duck returns to the pub, waddles up to the bar and asks have you got any grapes, the barman says, I told you yesterday, we don't have any grapes this is a pub not a grocers. The duck turns round and waddles out. The next day the duck returns to the pub and asks, have you got any grapes, the barman is now apolectic and screams at the duck, I keep telling you, you dumb stupid duck we don't sell ****ing grapes, if you come in here again and ask for grapes I'll nail your stupid beak to the bar!!!! The duck turns round and waddles out. The next day the duck waddles into the pub goes up to the bar and asks the barman, have you got any nails, the barman is somewhat taken aback by this, and says well actually NO we don't have any nails.
OK says the duck can I have some grapes then please?
 
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