This man was really lonely, so he posted an ad on a popular website. The ad said, simply: "Wife wanted." He was surprised the next morning to find he had over a hundred replies in his inbox. Unfortunately, they all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Son: Dad, I’ve heard that in some parts of the world a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her. Father: Son, that's true everywhere.
Son: What's the difference between love and marriage? Father: Love is blind. Marriage is an eye opener
A woman in a restaurant sneezes and her glass eye pops out. The guy at the next table catches it and returns it to the embarrassed woman. She thanks him and invites him to join her. They enjoy their meal, laughing and flirting, then the woman gives him her phone number and tells him to call her sometime. He asks, "Are you this nice to every guy you meet?" "No," she says, "but you caught my eye."
There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don’t forget. They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. “You might want to write it down,” she said. The husband said, “No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream.” She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. “Write it down,” she told him, and again he said, “No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream.” Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. “Write it down,” she told her husband and again he said, “No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top.” So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon. The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, “Where’s the toast?”
A man goes to see a wizard and says: "Can you lift a curse that was put on me years ago?" "Maybe" says the wizard, "If you can remember the exact words of the curse." The man replies without hesitation: "I now pronounce you as man and wife!"
Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dish washer, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. By the way, I have a large rotweiler inside named Killer; he won't bother you. I also have a parrot, and whatever you do, do not talk to the bird!" Well, sure enough the dog, Killer, totally ignored the repairman, but the whole time he was there, the parrot cursed, yelled, screamed, and about drove him nuts. As he was ready to leave, he couldn't resist saying, "You stupid bird, why don't you shut up!" To which the bird replied, "Killer, get him!"
Dirtiest Team In All Of World Cup History: 20. It 19. Would 18. Be 17. Massively 16. Harsh 15. To 14. Judge 13. Different 12. Eras 11. Tackling 10. In 9. The 8. 70s 7. Was 6. A 5. Very 4. Different 3. Game 2. Innit? 1. Colombia in 2018
Hot and cold sex After his examination, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?' 'In fact, I do.' said the old man. 'After I have sex, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty.' After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 'Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?' The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you know why?' 'Oh, that crazy old fart!' she replied. 'That's because the first time is usually in January, and the second time is in August.'
