A roman soldier walks into a bar and says to the barman, “I’ll have a martinus please.” The barman replies, “Do you mean a martini?”
“If i’d wanted a double, i’d have asked for one!”
“If i’d wanted a double, i’d have asked for one!”
Off Topic The More Intellectual Gag Thread
- Thread starter Mr Hatem
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It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Helium walks into a bar,
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react
The bar tender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here."
Helium doesn't react
Einstein, Newton and Pascal decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is it, closes his eyes, counts to 10 then opens them.
Pascal is no where to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve found you!”
Newton says “No no, Einy. You’ve found one Newton per square meter. You’ve found Pascal!”
Pascal is no where to be seen.
Newton is sitting right in front of Einstein, with a piece of chalk in his hand. He’s sitting in a box drawn on the ground, a meter to a side.
Einstein says “Newton, you’re terrible, I’ve found you!”
Newton says “No no, Einy. You’ve found one Newton per square meter. You’ve found Pascal!”
Heisenberg and Schrödinger get pulled over for speeding.
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."
The cop asks Heisenberg "Do you know how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg replies, "No, but we know exactly where we are!"
The officer looks at him confused and says "you were going 108 miles per hour!"
Heisenberg throws his arms up and cries, "Great! Now we're lost!"
The officer looks over the car and asks Schrödinger if the two men have anything in the trunk.
"A cat," Schrödinger replies.
The cop opens the trunk and yells "Hey! This cat is dead."
Schrödinger angrily replies, "Well he is now."
Not really a joke, but I like it.
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are hired by a farmer to build a fence that would enclose the largest amount of area possible.
The engineer decides to build a circular fence, since it was the most practical way of enclosing the most area.
The physicist starts building a long, straight fence that would encircle half the world.
The mathematician builds a small, round fence around only himself and says, "I declare myself to be on the outside!"
A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are hired by a farmer to build a fence that would enclose the largest amount of area possible.
The engineer decides to build a circular fence, since it was the most practical way of enclosing the most area.
The physicist starts building a long, straight fence that would encircle half the world.
The mathematician builds a small, round fence around only himself and says, "I declare myself to be on the outside!"
Q, How many surrealists can you fit in a telephone box?
A, A motorbike.
The views expressed in my posts are not necessarily mine.
A, A motorbike.
The views expressed in my posts are not necessarily mine.
Ah, as a former physicist I have a lot of these.
What is a physicists favorite meal? Fission chips!
What is a physicists favorite meal? Fission chips!