Spurlock's Ramadan diary

Told ya try a handi.

 

I bet you've had worse, eh, Little Ern?

 

If you saw my missus, you'd creme your keks on the spot, Sky. You're way outside her league, mate. I don't make love to her, I make lust, mate. Some of the stuff we get up to is barely legal in this country.

 

Are you a sex lawyer?

 

Sex God, mate. Always was.

Rat up a drain pipe, me.

 

If a bird can stand unaided, then HIAG's not interested. Nothing turns him on more than getting back to a woman's house and seeing a hoist in the bedroom.

 

HIAG's a crane driver

He looks down their tops as he's lifting them into the ambulance.

 

I'm making a chicken curry, an aubergine curry and a cumin and lemon salad. Naan and pilau rice for the carbs.

 

I bet she makes a lovely sandwich

 

So unless Sky is an absolute Adonis, you're calling your missus a filthy munter. Sounds about right, seeing as you are the epitome of the beta male

#hiaggetsthedregs

 

She probably likes being the filling when HIAG is watching her getting drilled from inside the closet.

 

I'd wager she was an absolute munter who only lifts her nighty on high days and holidays...

 

HIAG only gets some action on his birthday and when he slips some Ketamine into her cup of Cocoa.

 

Mrs HIAG is almost certainly mail order (or male order) from Ossie's favourite part of the world.

 

I don;t know what she's been saying, but I catergorically deny having any intimate knowledge of........







....your mumma

 

Ner, Stan! Yer don't poot fooking chutney in't curreh! You poot it on yer nan, yer daft bastard!

 

She's 87 ffs!

 

A87?

 

Has he tried to sneak back with a cunning disguise?...

 

HIAG87 ?