Pardew...WTF?

"There has been no complaint received from the player involved or Hull City Association Football Club at this time."

At least OB know what our correct name is.

http://www.expressandstar.com/sport/uk-sport/2014/03/04/pardew-considers-response-to-charge/?

 

Good stuff...

Hull City v Newcastle: Alan Pardew’s head steals the headlines

Written by @NBoldock

My prediction on Saturday gone was that HullCity would send Newcastle United scuttling back up the A1 with their tails between their legs, the mighty Tigers celebrating the three points that were surely rightfully ours.

It didn’t quite work out like that. Instead City barely got going, although we did create a handful of chances in the opening half. Only an excellent double stop from Toon keeper Tim Krul prevented a very rare Alex Bruce goal after the latter met a pinpoint cross from Tom Huddlestone with a powerful downward header and then a close range shot from the rebound. Somehow Krul twice blocked a certain goal. Sadly the counter attack from Newcastle was immediate and less than thirty seconds later Newcastle were ahead after a well-worked move was finished off by Moussa Sissoko.

Too easy

Nikica Jelavic came closest to an equaliser when his freekick deflected onto the crossbar and rebounded away to safety, but it was to be an afternoon to forget as Newcastle went two up thanks to some comedy football from Maynor Figueroa. The Honduran international attempted a back pass but only succeeded in playing the perfect through ball for Loic Remy, who duly rounded Alan McGregor and slotted the ball into an empty net to complete the defender’s embarrassment.

City did get back into the game shortly after the restart when Curtis Davies looped a header over an indecisive Krul to make it 2-1 to the visitors – but that was the last positive action of the game from the Tigers.

More calamitous defending gifted Newcastle a third goal; though I can’t comment on their fourth, as by that point I was on my knees in the kitchen with my head in the oven in a desperate attempt to make it all go away. It’s never easy being a City fan.

But anyway, let’s face it; nobody else has bothered writing about the actual match so let’s just leave it there. We were atrocious, Newcastle were decent. That just about sums it up and it’s all you really need to know.

Let’s talk about Alan Pardew instead, eh?

Unless you’ve been in a coma for the past few days (which, if you happen to have offended the Newcastle manager, you might well be) you will already have seen Pardew’s reprehensible display of touchline thuggery vis a vis his over-enthusiastic forehead. Mortally wounded by being pushed out of the way by David Meyler as the City midfielder went to retrieve the ball for a throw in, Pardew briskly strode over with his usual calm demeanour and promptly nutted the Irishman plum in the face. Meyler has since been praised for his restraint in the face of such provocation – though let’s be honest, we were all secretly hoping he was going to knock his assailant into row Z. Alas, no such retribution took place. As it was Meyler received a debatable booking and Pardew was sent to his now familiar place in the stands.

Hilariously, Pardew later claimed that for from head butting Meyler, he had in fact merely “pushed him away with my head”. Unfortunately for him, that’s pretty much the dictionary definition of a head butt.

But that wasn’t all. Pardew also went on to explain that he had meant no harm but, he conceded “I have moved my head forward”. Unfortunately for him, that is also pretty much the dictionary definition of a head butt. Nice try Alan.

A small number of Newcastle fans have taken to social media with mock outrage over their manager’s vilification in the press, as this apparently was not a real head butt. It wasn’t hard enough; it was a mere tickle. This sort of fuss should be reserved only for proper, nose-splattering nuts of the Biffa Bacon variety. What sort of messed up logic is that? It’s no big deal because it was a rubbish head butt? Oh, come on. What Pardew did was not only violent (and unprovoked) it was deeply concerning. What was going on in his head at the time? Newcastle were winning 3-1 against a team who looked like they had forgotten how to play football and Pardew should have been grinning like a Cheshire cat. Instead he somehow ended up acting like a ‘roided-up halfwit blasted to the eyeballs on Special Brew and Thunderbird. All in all, this was not the sort of behaviour that a professional football manager should be displaying.

We’re all having a good old chuckle about it but joking aside, the man clearly has some “issues” that he needs to address, and sharpish. Otherwise, he might just find that his next “issue” involves a P45 and a trip to the dole office. And even Alan Pardew wouldn’t be able to argue with that.

http://fourfourtweet.co.uk/hull-city-v-newcastle-alan-pardews-head-steals-the-headlines/

 

[video=youtube;rTvUFKPgayY]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rTvUFKPgayY&feature=youtu.be[/video]

 

Newcastle’s Alan Pardew to wear matchday cone to protect opposition

Newcastle United manager Alan Pardew is to wear a vet-style cone during future matches to protect opposing players and officials from unprovoked physical attacks.

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The unusual move by the FA is seen as the only way to address a manager many claim is only one step away from murdering someone during a match.

An FA spokesperson explained, “We have adapted a cone usually reserved for Rottweilers that should prevent his head from getting too close to anyone during the match itself, whilst still allowing him to see most of the action if he tilts his head forward.”

“It’s an unusual step, but one with which we were left with no choice. The man is a complete liability, and given free access to players and match-day officials it’s only a matter of time before tragedy strikes.”

“The cone will prevent him biting, spitting, shouting at or headbutting anyone at all.”

“Combined with the electronic collar which gives him a mild shock whenever he steps out of his technical area I think we have the perfect solution to Alan Pardew.”

Alan Pardew match-day protection

The League Managers Association said they had spoken up on Pardew’s behalf, but that the collar seemed like a reasonable compromise for all concerned.

A LMA spokesperson explained, “Some people will question the FA’s decision to seek advice from a vet rather than a psychologist, but vets deal with these types of overly aggressive incidents all the time with their patients.”

“Their first suggestion was castration, which apparently leaves the subject much more docile. But this was met with significant opposition from Mrs Pardew so we negotiated that one out.”

“This despite a petition from a few Southampton players insisting castrating him was best for all concerned.”

http://newsthump.com/2014/03/06/newcastles-alan-pardew-to-wear-matchday-cone-to-protect-opposition/