Jokes
- Thread starter ellandback
- Start date
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too true mate there will always be less crime like that if they know the general public can extract revenge
Trouble is cars are far too expensive over here to **** up like that. I like the idea of shooting through the window though, efficient and no repair bills for the bullet.
I've started to wear a balaclava to bed. If there's a break in the burglars will think I'm part of the team.
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A man walks into a bar. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little man, maybe a foot tall and a little piano. He puts them both on the bar, and the little guy starts playing Mozart as the man orders his drink.
The bartender says "I'm sure it's none of my business, but where did you find a little man who plays piano like that?"
The guy says "There's a genie outside granting wishes, I bet he's still there if you hurry."
The bartender runs outside, and moments later a bunch of ducks come in through the front door and start causing a big ruckus. The bartender says "You didn't tell me the genie was deaf, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
The guy says
Do you really think I asked for an eleven inch pianist?"
The bartender says "I'm sure it's none of my business, but where did you find a little man who plays piano like that?"
The guy says "There's a genie outside granting wishes, I bet he's still there if you hurry."
The bartender runs outside, and moments later a bunch of ducks come in through the front door and start causing a big ruckus. The bartender says "You didn't tell me the genie was deaf, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
The guy says
Do you really think I asked for an eleven inch pianist?"
the new poet laureate is to be named poet bloodclaat
A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out Goodbye, Mum, as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mum."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his shopping.
"That comes to £121.85," said the assistant.
"How come so much? I only bought 3 items!"
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things too."
She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, “I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease, it's just that you look so much like my late son."
He answered, "That's okay."
"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out Goodbye, Mum, as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."
She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mum."
The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him.
Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his shopping.
"That comes to £121.85," said the assistant.
"How come so much? I only bought 3 items!"
The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things too."
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For all you Elton John/Kiki Dee fans out there
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Save money this winter by pretending to be a Jehovahs Witness and sitting in other peoples warm homes drinking their tea and eating their Digestives while talking bollocks!!