Jokes

  • Please bear with us on the new site integration and fixing any known bugs over the coming days. If you can not log in please try resetting your password and check your spam box. If you have tried these steps and are still struggling email [email protected] with your username/registered email address
  • Log in now to remove adverts - no adverts at all to registered members!
2 pennth said:
Ask yourself who runs your country, the gov or Djokovic
I’m biased of course can’t stand the arrogant tw-t
Click to expand...
I always thought his eyes were too close together and then when he hit the line judge in the throat and claimed it was an accident, I mean they get paid a lot for being able to hit a tennis ball accurately, he really ended up on my not liked list.

As to who runs the country, certainly not Djokovic, but......... go on ask me a simpler question.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Makemstine Roger and 2 pennth
Eric Le Merde said:
I always thought his eyes were too close together and then when he hit the line judge in the throat and claimed it was an accident, I mean they get paid a lot for being able to hit a tennis ball accurately, he really ended up on my not liked list.

As to who runs the country, certainly not Djokovic, but......... go on ask me a simpler question.
Click to expand...
I’ll ask again later:emoticon-0148-yes:
 
  • Like
Reactions: Makemstine Roger
Makemstine Roger said:
Did you hear about the Pre-School teacher who was helping one of the children put on his "Wellie boot's"?
He asked for help and she could see why..
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little "Wellie's" still didn't want to go on.
By the time they got the second "Wellie" on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, "Miss, they're on the wrong feet."
She looked, and sure enough, they were.
It wasn't any easier pulling the "Wellie's" off than it was putting them on.
She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the "Wellie's" back on,
this time on the right feet..
He then announced, "These aren't my Wellies."
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,
'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to.
Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting "Wellie's" off his little feet.
No sooner had they gotten the "Wellie's" off when he said,
"They're my brother's "Wellie's", My mom made me wear 'them.'
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the "Wellie's" on his feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your gloves?"
He said, "I stuffed 'them in the toes of my Wellie's".
She will be eligible for parole in three years!
Click to expand...
One of the best I've seen in a long time. :emoticon-0148-yes:
 
  • Like
Reactions: Makemstine Roger
Eric Le Merde said:
I always thought his eyes were too close together and then when he hit the line judge in the throat and claimed it was an accident, I mean they get paid a lot for being able to hit a tennis ball accurately, he really ended up on my not liked list.

As to who runs the country, certainly not Djokovic, but......... go on ask me a simpler question.
Click to expand...
They used to say that about Malcom Fraser. One person even going so far as to say that if he had a horse with eyes that close he would have shot it.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Diego and Makemstine Roger
BREAKING:
In an effort to win the constructor’s title, the Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday and replaced them with just four scousers. This announcement follows a recent documentary showing how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high-tech equipment. It was thought to be a bold move by the Ferrari management as most races are won and lost in the pits. However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for!
At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mercedes team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's ex-bird in the shower.
 
  • Like
Reactions: stonkin, Infidel and Diego
brisbane-lion said:
The Aussies didn't need a long innings, Roger, the Poms couldn't last. Please, please, send me a team I can support as a fan not as a crutch. <wah>
Click to expand...
It appears as though the cheese rolling champion is going to come down under to show us how it's done. Just about the only none athletics UK world champion I could find.
 
i visited a small musuem which displayed royal manequins, one fine example caught my eye it was mary queen of scots i was fascinated to see how the said mannequin was constructed, so i lifted up the elaborate dress to have a peek...on the way out the curator said i had been seen on cctv and it now appears i am to be charged with an historical sex offence
 
oldschool said:
i visited a small musuem which displayed royal manequins, one fine example caught my eye it was mary queen of scots i was fascinated to see how the said mannequin was constructed, so i lifted up the elaborate dress to have a peek...on the way out the curator said i had been seen on cctv and it now appears i am to be charged with an historical sex offence
Click to expand...
Did you also visit Mdm Tussauds? The Kylie waxwork kept getting molested so they moved it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top Bottom
Back