Jokes

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In court today, monday

 

Ask yourself who runs your country, the gov or Djokovic
I’m biased of course can’t stand the arrogant tw-t

 

I always thought his eyes were too close together and then when he hit the line judge in the throat and claimed it was an accident, I mean they get paid a lot for being able to hit a tennis ball accurately, he really ended up on my not liked list.

As to who runs the country, certainly not Djokovic, but......... go on ask me a simpler question.

 

I’ll ask again later

 

Cooo, you reckon?

 

One of the best I've seen in a long time.

 

definitely not Santa clause, unless its you being a good next door neighbour spying on his wife ....you reckon

 

They used to say that about Malcom Fraser. One person even going so far as to say that if he had a horse with eyes that close he would have shot it.

 

BREAKING:
In an effort to win the constructor’s title, the Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday and replaced them with just four scousers. This announcement follows a recent documentary showing how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high-tech equipment. It was thought to be a bold move by the Ferrari management as most races are won and lost in the pits. However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for!
At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mercedes team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's ex-bird in the shower.

 

Me? Climb up on a roof? Are you f*cking kidding? I'm eighty years old.

 

you have had a longer innings than the Aussie cricket team mate, see the bromide has worked

 

The Aussies didn't need a long innings, Roger, the Poms couldn't last. Please, please, send me a team I can support as a fan not as a crutch.

 

It appears as though the cheese rolling champion is going to come down under to show us how it's done. Just about the only none athletics UK world champion I could find.

 

In answer to your question, apparently it's Judge Anthony Kelly, unless somebody grows some and cancels his visa anyway

 

That went well then

 

The pen is mightier that then sword and money is mightier than both.

 

Unfortunately too true

 

i visited a small musuem which displayed royal manequins, one fine example caught my eye it was mary queen of scots i was fascinated to see how the said mannequin was constructed, so i lifted up the elaborate dress to have a peek...on the way out the curator said i had been seen on cctv and it now appears i am to be charged with an historical sex offence

 

Did you also visit Mdm Tussauds? The Kylie waxwork kept getting molested so they moved it.