Jokes

Dad asked me "do you know what PHD stands for?"

"Permanent hearing disorder?" I answered.

"It stands for permanent hearing disorder, son." he replied
 
It was Xmas Eve a couple doing last minute shopping when her husband disappeared she phoned him on his mobile, "Where are you?? In a calm voice, he replied. "Darling remember the jewellery shop we went in 5 years ago and you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I said one day I would get it for you" her eyes filled with tears, yes I remember" she said.
"Well I'm in the pub next door to that"
 
the police have allegedly been back to cliff richards house to re- examine some potential offensive material......apparently it's his new album