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Jokes

Discussion in 'Leeds United' started by ellandback, Jun 25, 2019.

  1. blonogasoven

    blonogasoven Well-Known Member

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    I bet the YMCA dance is a lot more difficult to do in Chinese.
     
    #1961
  2. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    You know that sinking feeling you get when you've had a sh*t and find there's no toilet paper. You have to hobble along with your trousers around your ankles and get some more. That's when you realise just how far it is to ALDI.
     
    #1962
  3. Old Git

    Old Git Well-Known Member

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  4. Ringo Lion

    Ringo Lion Pumpkin

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  5. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    New
    Not getting enough steps in during the bad weather?
    Simply walk around the house after the wife and kids turning the f*cking lights off.
     
    #1965
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  6. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #1966
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  7. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #1967
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  8. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #1968
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  9. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    So would I, that wouldn't make it any better. Arse.
     
    #1969
  10. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    I'm suffering from a dose of kleptomania. Is there anything I can take?
     
    #1970
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  11. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    If you get lost, always look for the North star. It's gentle twinkling will comfort you as you die.
     
    #1971
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  12. brisbane-lion

    brisbane-lion Well-Known Member

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    If I had 50 cents for every maths test I failed, I'd have $3.38.
     
    #1972
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  13. Old Git

    Old Git Well-Known Member

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    My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

    One day her little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family".

    The moral of this story is:

    Always keep your condoms in your car.
     
    #1973
  14. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #1974
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  15. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #1975
  16. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #1976
  17. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #1977
  18. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    What are the Dalek's favourite trees ?

    YEW, WILLOW, BAY
     
    #1978
  19. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    #1979
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  20. Makemstine Roger

    Makemstine Roger Well-Known Member

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    My Dad is still having sex at 82..
    Trouble is we live at 52....
     
    #1980

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