I read this yesterday, This person's colleague had started reading The Exorcist but it scared him so much that he couldn't finish it. He actually threw it in the river! This person bought a copy of the book, ran it under a tap, and placed it in his colleague's desk drawer. Absolutely brilliant lmao
Mate of mine's daughter said to him "Dad, I'm growing hair on my chest." He thought, 'blimey' he thought. "That's unusual in a girl your age. How far down does it go?" "Down as far as my balls".
In a similar vein, I told a story to a pal & her hubbie. It was the absolute party trick, which was to wait until someone passed out on the floor, then put a peeled banana down the back of his Ys. After a short while, he woke, thinking he'd **** himself, but realised that everyone in the room was watching him - as he slid his arse along the living room floor towards the lav. Hilarious. Hubbie then told me a story in return from his RAF days. A mate had passed out, so the put spittle all over his face, heavily dribbled about the mouth, then held his dick at his mate's face. Polaroid photo was taken & pinned to the wall. Again hilarious. He then told me something his mate did in the same vein. Again, someone in bed, passed out. This time, it was spittle in a rubber, which was placed half-in & half-out of his arse with a pencil. I do believe his mate got battered to fcuk when he was found out. I always though of the RAF as the "I seh, euld chep" brigade, but I've now been educated.
I just explained Google images to my mum. "Pick anything to search for" I told her. "What about a nice cream pie?" She asked. "Except that." I replied.
A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies. The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from West Virginia . This is a Kentucky duck. You got a Kentuckey huntin’ license, boy?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kentucky duck. This duck’s from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee license?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said This ain’t no Tennessee duck. This here duck’s from Virginia. . You got a Virginia. huntin’ license?” Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia. hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly “Just where the hell are you from? “The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said “You tell me, you’re the expert !!”
I silently farted in bed last night and slowly lifted up the quilt. After a few seconds my wife said, "****ing hell that stinks!" It must've been pretty awful, she was downstairs at the time.
