Jokes

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A hillbilly went hunting one day in West Virginia and bagged three ducks.
He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home where he was confronted by an ornery game warden who didn’t like hillbillies.
The game warden ordered to the hillbilly to show his hunting license, and the hillbilly pulled out a valid West Virginia hunting license.
The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, “This duck ain’t from West Virginia .
This is a Kentucky duck.
You got a Kentuckey huntin’ license, boy?” The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced a Kentucky hunting license.
The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, “This ain’t no Kentucky duck.
This duck’s from Tennessee. You got an Tennessee license?”
The hillbilly reached into his wallet and produced an Tennessee license.
The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said This ain’t no Tennessee duck. This here duck’s from Virginia. . You got a Virginia. huntin’ license?”
Again the hillbilly reached into his wallet and brought out a Virginia. hunting license. The game warden was extremely frustrated at this point, and he yelled at the hillbilly “Just where the hell are you from?
“The hillbilly turned around, bent over, dropped his pants, and said “You tell me, you’re the expert !!”
 
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One for Rog and Hector


Sergeant Major calls the troops to parade, marches up to Private Mogsie.

Sargeant Major screams "Where were you this morning, whilst the rest of us was at camouflage practice"
Private Mogsie "I was there Sergeant Major"
Sergeant Major "Really!!!! I didn't see you"

Private Mogsie "Thank you, sir"
 
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Greek taxi driver taking a couple for a tour of Mykanos.
Ask him his name.
You see all those white washed walls in the village, I paint them all, do they call me Stavros the painter, no.
You see all the tiles on the roofs on those houses, I fit them all, do they call me Stavros the tiler, no
You see all those shrubs in those gardens at those houses, I plant them, do they call me Stavros the gardener, no.
But you just shagger the one goat.
 
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Russian operative gets sent to a small Welsh village to meet an agent and exchange some information but is only given the agents false name to go by, the results are as follows.

The operative decides to start in the local pub and pump people for info to find his agent so strikes up a conversation with a local

Russian..........i'm here to meet a chap from my company but have no idea where to find him only that he is called Jones
Local..........<laugh><laugh><laugh>, we are only a small village but we have quite a few Jones'es, we have Jones the butcher, Jones the fireman, Jones the Plumber, even my name is Jones.
With this revelation the operative decides to go for it and say's to the local "their will be a full moon over Gorky Park on Sunday".
The local say's.......Ohh, it's Jones the spy you want, turn right out of the pub and he lives at the third house from the end of the street on the left.
 
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