**** jokes thread

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On the night after his wedding, a Spurs fan turned up at his parents house in tears saying "I've left her because she's told me she's still a virgin"

"You've done the right thing" said Ma and Pa Spud. "If she wasn't good enough for her family, she's not good enough for ours".
 
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My mate was shagging identical twins from Barrow I said ****ing hell mate how do you tell them apart so you don’t get caught, he said it’s easy the brothers got a moustache.
 
My mate was shagging identical twins from Barrow I said ****ing hell mate how do you tell them apart so you don’t get caught, he said it’s easy the brothers got a moustache.

Surprised you didn't change it to "Spurs fan" instead of "My mate" in a futile attempt to make it funnier.
 
Anyone hear the one about the Leeds fan who thought they'd been champions of Europe?