Off Topic Jokes thread

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After landing my new job as a Asda greeter, I lasted less than a day. Here's what happened:
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Asda."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Don't be f*cking stupid. Of course they aren't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone f*cked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Asda."
 
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