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Off Topic Jokes thread

Discussion in 'Portsmouth' started by devonFRATTONiser, Jan 25, 2015.

  1. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #36661
  2. Wooperts_duck

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  3. Wooperts_duck

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  4. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    I got sacked from my old job as a weather presenter.

    I left under a cloud but I soon got a new job working with explosives in a quarry and I'm having a right blast.
     
    #36664
  5. Wooperts_duck

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  6. antipodean exile

    antipodean exile Well-Known Member

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  7. antipodean exile

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  8. antipodean exile

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  9. antipodean exile

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  11. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    #36671
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  12. Wooperts_duck

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  13. Wooperts_duck

    Wooperts_duck Well-Known Member
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    Grandma’s in 2065
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    #36673
  14. Wooperts_duck

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    #36674
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  15. Wooperts_duck

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    After landing my new job as a Asda greeter, I lasted less than a day. Here's what happened:
    About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

    As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Asda."
    I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"

    The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Don't be f*cking stupid. Of course they aren't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the hell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?"

    I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn't believe someone f*cked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Asda."
     
    #36675
  16. Wooperts_duck

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  17. Wooperts_duck

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  18. Wooperts_duck

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    #36678
  19. Wooperts_duck

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    17 year old arrested on bus in Glasgow after accessing P*rnhub using a VPN.
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    #36679
  20. Wooperts_duck

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