Off Topic Jokes thread

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The Power of the English Language
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1 . If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times , does he become disoriented ?
2 . If people from Poland are called Poles , why aren't people from Holland called Holes ?
Should a person who emigrates from Crete be considered an excretion?
3 . Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery ?
4 . If a pig loses its voice , is it disgruntled ?
5 . If love is blind , why is lingerie so popular ?
6 . Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker ?
7 . When cheese gets its picture taken , what does it say ?
8 . Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist ?
9 . Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites ?
10 . Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things ?
11 . Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one ?
12 . " I am " is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language . Could it be that " I do " is the longest sentence ?
13 . If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked , doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted , musicians denoted , cowboys deranged , models deposed , dog trainers debarked , and dry cleaners depressed ?
14 . What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men ?
15 . Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office ? What are we supposed to do , write to them ? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail ?
16 . You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive .
17 . No one ever says , " It's only a game " when their team is winning .
18 . Ever wonder about those people who spend £2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water ? Try spelling Evian backwards : NAIVE
19 . Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool ?
20 . If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea , does that mean that fifth one ENJOYS it ?
 
A son asked his mother the following question:
'Mom, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies:
'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mom and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and says:
'Son, all household appliances come in white.'